


Daylily

by loonachos



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-03 22:01:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonachos/pseuds/loonachos
Summary: Sooyoung has been backpacking place to place for some time now and stops by a small town she's just passing through. Finding herself in a cafe, she meets Jinsol and her daughter Chaewon who seems like the most carefree people she has ever met. With no plans and no actual place to be, Sooyoung struggles to find her place in life, but slowly learns to live again.





	1. EYES SHUT

**Author's Note:**

> I never have any idea what I'm doing or where this is going or if it'll continue, but here it is anyways.

Stopping in an empty cafe of a small town she had just arrived in the morning, Sooyoung sat down on the far corner booth and stared out the window at the people that passed on by. There weren’t many thoughts that were running through her head as she hoped that her mind would stay empty a little longer.

“Hi, what could I get for you?” A voice to her left reminded her that she actually had to buy something if she wanted to rest for a bit.

Sooyoung hadn’t even looked at the menu that was already on the table. She wasn’t even hungry. “Um, could I please get,” her voice trailed, not really knowing what the cafe had.

“Do you need a minute?”

Sooyoung finally looked up to see a blonde haired woman with a name tag that read “Jinsol”. “No, just a coffee would be good,” she answered although she rarely drank the bitter liquid.

“Are you sure? Coffee comes free if you order breakfast.” She then looked to a clock that was mounted on the wall. “Which ends in about 5 minutes.”

“A coffee’s fine.”

The woman hummed at the answer. “Okay then. I’ll be back in just a moment.”

Sooyoung thanked the waitress as the blonde walked away.

The woman came back shortly. “Here, you go.” She placed a napkin on the table before setting the cup of coffee down along with a piece of apple pie. “There’s free refills on the coffee, so please just let me know if you want any more.”

Looking down at the food and drink in front of her, Sooyoung quirked an eyebrow. “I didn’t order a pie,” she said in a flat tone.

“I know. I just thought maybe you could use something to eat since you look like you’re on the move.” She pointed at the large backpack that was on the seat across from Sooyoung. When she didn’t get a response, Jinsol started to get a little nervous. “I mean, I can take it back if you don’t want it. I didn’t mean to imply anything. We just get a lot of backpackers that stop by the cafe while they’re passing through. No one really stays in this town for too long,” she rambled, scratching the back of her neck at how awkward she was being.

Sooyoung stared at the pie for another second before looking up. “No, it’s fine. Thank you.” She moved the plate closer to her.

“Okay.” Jinsol sighed in relief that she wouldn’t have to take back the pie and eat it herself in sadness from being embarrassed. “I, um, actually,” she fumbled over her words, “I actually wanted to ask something. We have, I mean, the cafe has an open mic session tonight. Someone just canceled last minute so we have a spot that needs to be filled.”

Tilting her head, Sooyoung didn’t understand what the woman was talking about and just stared at her blankly.

Jinsol widen her eyes at the realization. “Oh, I meant, your guitar.” She pointed at the case that was by the backpack. “I’m assuming you play and I don’t know, maybe just thought you’d like,” she stopped in her sentence, not sure where she was going with it. “Sorry. I’ll just leave you to your coffee.” She took a step back. “Enjoy your pie.”

Before Jinsol could walk away, Sooyoung called out, “hey.”

Turning back around, Jinsol held her breathe.

“Thanks for the offer, but like you said, backpackers just pass through and I’ll be gone by tonight.” Sooyoung picked up the fork that was by the plate. “Thanks for the pie though.”

Jinsol smiled, glad that the other woman made it less awkward for her by actually replying. “It’s no problem. Enjoy.”

Sooyoung smiled back before taking a sip of her coffee, frowning at the bitter taste.

“How many times have I told you to leave the open mic night recruitment to me.”

Sooyoung perked her ears at another voice that talked in a tiny font.

“Well, you weren’t here a second ago were you?” She heard the waitress counter.

Curiosity getting the best of her, Sooyoung turned around slightly to see another blonde, but this one was a teenager leaning against the counter.

“You can always just fill the spot,” the teen suggested. “It’s not like you’re working tonight or doing anything besides bothering me.”

“Me bother you?” Jinsol scoffed. “Who wanted to sleep in my bed last night?”

“Oh, come on, Mom. You know I can’t handle scary movies,” the small blonde whined although she was the one that picked the film.

The waitress let out a small laugh and walked around the counter to give her daughter a quick one armed hug before patting her butt in a loving manner. “How has school been going, baby?”

The girl groaned and leaned her forehead against her mom’s shoulder. “I have senioritis,” she mumbled.

“You’re a junior, Chaewon. You can’t have senioritis yet.”

“Junioritis then.”

Jinsol chuckled again before kissing her daughter’s head. “I can always help you with school work. You know how much of a genius I was,” she half joked, but she did excel when it came to academics.

“I’m doing fine. It’s just a drag though.” Chaewon went over to a glass container, opening the lid and took a cookie, shoving half of it into her mouth. “I’m actually tutoring Hyejoo later, so I’ll probably be here all day. Hyunjin will be here after soccer too.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. And I swear, those kids are gonna run this business down,” she muttered as she wiped a table that already looked spotless.

“You’re the one that offered to give them free food whenever they’re around.”

“You know I’m just kidding. I’m glad I can feed them, but sometimes, I feel like I’m watching competitive eaters.”

Chaewon laughed, thinking about her friends. “They’re competitive when it comes to everything and you’re right, that includes eating.” She walked behind the counter, put on an apron and tied up her hair. “I’ll go ask if the customer needs a refill.”

Heading over with a bounce to her walk, the small blonde stopped by the corner table. “Hi, would you like more coffee?” She greeted brightly.

Sooyoung looked up, pretending she didn’t just hear their whole conversation, but it wasn’t like she could have turned off her ears. “No, I’m okay. Thanks.” She expected the teen to walk off, but glanced out of the corner of her eye, feeling the girl’s presence still there.

“I know my Mom already asked about the whole open mic thing. You don’t have to perform, but if you want to check it out before leaving, we actually have an awesome artist playing. It’s probably one of the only cool things this town has to offer.”

Turning her attention to the blonde, she could see how much the mother daughter duo resembled each other. “I’m not sure when I’ll be leaving, so I might not make it.” It was partially true. She could just stay if she wanted to since being on the move allowed her to do whatever she wanted with her time, but going to an event probably meant a crowd of people and she didn’t want to be around any.

“Well, it’s an early show, so if you change your mind, it starts at 6,” the girl informed. “Not to brag or anything either, but my band’s playing,” she said with a playful look on her face.

“Is that why the open mic is one of the only cool things in this town?” Sooyoung joked in a monotone voice.

The teen smiled brightly and laughed. “I’m Chaewon, by the way,” she introduced and then quickly pointed by the counter. “The awkward woman wiping down the same table for the past 5 minutes is Jinsol.”

Sooyoung didn’t understand why she needed the introduction. It wasn’t like she’d be seeing them after this. “Sooyoung,” she simply said.

The girl smiled again. “Well, hope to see you tonight, but if not, have a safe trip to wherever you’re heading off to next.”

“Thanks.” Sooyoung went back to her half eaten pie. The coffee wasn’t as bad when sipping it after eating the sweet dessert. It was rare she had this much sugar for breakfast or eating breakfast at all, but thought maybe it was a nice change for once.

“Ow.” 

Sooyoung heard, followed by harsh whispers. She didn’t look back this time, but could hear the waitress scolding her daughter for introducing her as the awkward woman. She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of their close interactions although she spent most of her time avoiding others. 

Most people that hopped town to town would probably make use of their time on getting to know the locals around them, but Sooyoung never bothered. Instead, she went sightseeing and seeking out mom and pop bookshops, searching for music on vinyl, and looking at street art.

Finishing her last bite, she pulled out her wallet and left a $20 bill on the table without asking for the check. Lifting up her heavy backpack, she carefully swung it on. She picked up the guitar case and started to head out.

“Money’s on the table. Thanks for the coffee and pie.” Sooyoung gave a little wave and walked towards the door, leaving before the two blondes could say much.

The air was cold as she exhaled loudly, seeing a cloud of breath leaving her mouth. She only took a couple of steps before a voice called out to her from behind.

Already knowing who it was, Sooyoung stopped in her tracks.

“Hey, you forgot your change.” The waitress held up a few bills and coins.

“It’s fine.” Sooyoung shrugged her off and was about to walk off again when the woman quickly caught up to her.

“The coffee was less than two dollars. You gave me a 20,” she noted the obvious.

“You gave me free pie. Consider it a tip.”

The blonde looked conflicted. “I can’t accept this. A tip is a dollar or two, this is too much.” She took a hold of Sooyoung’s hand and placed all of the change in it.

Sooyoung stared at the money in her hand. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.” Most people we’re happy to accept big tips, but she had to remember that it could also be burdensome.

The woman shook her head. “No, it’s fine, but thank you for the gesture. But yeah, um, see you later. Well, I mean, I guess not later since you’re leaving town,” she corrected herself. “Anyways, bye. Hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in this town.” And with that, the blonde walked away without waiting for a reply.

Shoving the money into her pocket, Sooyoung couldn’t help but feel a little intrigued by the awkward woman who had a napkin stuck under one of her shoes as she entered back into the cafe.

Adjusting her backpack strap and gripping the handle on her guitar case tighter, she began to walk towards a close by place she had found searching the night before on her phone. There weren’t many things in this town and shops were just beginning to open up. The cafe was just a place she passed by and decided to go into to stay warm while she waited for the town to wake.

Reaching her destination, she eyed the outside of the small shop before entering. The ringing of the bell indicating that there was a new customer sounded and she was briefly greeted by the only person in the place. 

“Good morning, welcome in. Please let me know if you need help with anything,” a skinny woman in her 60’s welcomed her. “We have new records that just came in the other day.” She pointed at a shelf near her where vinyl were displayed.

Sooyoung thanked the woman, but wasn't looking for anything new. She actually didn’t even know what she was there for to even need assistance.

While the shop was small like every other place here, there were a few separate doorless rooms she could go into. Seeing a sign above one of the entrances that read “listening room”, she entered to find a bunch of bean bags on the floor with a few record players set up in the corners. The room was probably only comfortable enough to fit a handful of people, but with no one there, it felt cozy instead of overwhelming as she thought of how she probably would have just left if anyone was there.

She wasn’t sure how anything was organized, but she went to the closest crate and began to browse through it, taking in the smell of vinyl records all around her. The scent was similar to books, but there was a difference. There wasn’t one she preferred over the other since she found comfort in both. There was just something so real about being able to touch something physical rather than listening to music or reading books on a screen.

It didn’t take long for an album cover to catch her eye as she picked it up. The cover featured a picture of a blurry girl with outstretched arms as if she was dancing or spinning around. She was on a trail surrounded by trees and although there was green around her, the colors were dulled, giving the atmosphere a gloomy feel.

Not really examining anything else on the album, she walked over to a record player that was close to the ground and took out the vinyl to place it on. She picked up the headphones that was connected to it and put it over her ears. Lifting the arm of the device and carefully setting it down on the vinyl, she watched as it began to spin and sat down on one of the bean bags.

The sound of guitar filled her ears and she didn’t know what to expect, not knowing anything about the band or what kind of music they played, but the first line that was sung hit her harder than she thought it would. She closed her eyes for only a second before opening them up again, hating the rush of emotions that washed over her.

Taking a deep breath in and exhaling through her mouth, she began to lose track of time like how she lost track of sleep and everything else in her life. Her mind wandered into places she didn’t want it to, but she didn’t attempt to stop the thoughts this time. 

The staticy sounding noise played continuously after some time, indicating the end of the album faster than she thought, but when she looked at her phone, almost an hour had passed already. 

She frowned at the missed calls and text messages that were displayed on the device in her hand and unlocked it, already knowing who was trying to reach her. Taking off the headphones, she placed the phone to her ear and listened to the voicemail.

“You said you would call, Unnie,” a female voice came through. “I know you’re into this whole leaving your phone on silent while you’re on your trip, but can you at least check your messages a few times a day?” There was a pause and then a sigh.

Sooyoung felt guilty. The other woman had tried to reach her the night before, but Sooyoung didn’t feel like talking and then forgot to reply back in the end.

The voice spoke again. “You don’t have to tell me where you are, but can you at least tell me if you’re okay? I just wanted to remind you that Yeojin’s birthday is coming up and maybe you’d want to come home for the party, but I understand if you can’t make it.” It sounded like the person was talking to someone else that was in the background for a moment. “Haseul says hi, by the way, well, she didn’t actually say that. She was scolding me for bringing up Yeojin’s birthday, but you’re our family, so I’m reminding you anyways. But like I said, there’s no pressure in coming back. We all just miss you, you know. Okay, well, this message might get cut off so I’ll just say bye now. Bye, Unnie, please call me back and please stay safe.”

Locking her phone, she didn’t even bother checking the text messages. She just wanted a little quiet before replying back to her friend.

Jungeun was someone she met while she was in college. The woman had an icy aura around her when they first met, but Sooyoung soon came to realize that the younger woman was anything but cold. After just hanging out a few times and Jungeun became part of her friend circle, she started deeming her as the “mom” friend, so it was no surprised when it was Jungeun that made it her role to check up on her all the time.

While she was more careless and lived life going with the flow, Jungeun taught her how to be more thoughtful of others and slow down in a world that moved way too fast. And although she has never been nagged at more in her life until she met Jungeun, she also couldn’t be more thankful for her.

Sighing, Sooyoung unlocked her phone again and sent a quick text to let her friend know that she was fine.

Putting a different record on, she listened to another full album before leaving the shop after purchasing just a keychain that had a clear guitar pick on it with the simple word “colors” printed on with black font. Pocketing it, she thanked the owner of the shop and stepped back out into the cold.

She spent more time here and there, exploring a few hidden gems. The more places she went to, the more charming the town got. It was obvious why it was just a town people passed through instead of staying in though, but she couldn’t help the bit of freedom she felt as she sat on a hill, looking out at a view that wasn’t beautiful nor ugly. There wasn’t much to see at all, making it feel like a blank canvas that anyone could turn it into anything they wanted it to be. And that was how she passed the day, just sitting on top of a hill no one cared to occupy.

The sun was beginning to go down before she even knew it. Standing up and stretching, she put her backpack on again, took her guitar case, and made her way down the hill.

She was used to the city life where there were cars bumper to bumper at this time of the day, but in a town where everything was so close by, it seemed like everyone just walked or biked around. It was pretty refreshing to see people enjoying their surroundings rather than the fast paced life she grew accustomed to. Without all of the noise of cars and other distractions, the world looked a bit different.

Seeing a man busking with a guitar in hand and a soothing voice, she was reminded of the open mic night that was going to start soon. She hasn’t thought of it the whole day since she wasn’t planning on going, but thinking about the friendly waitress and her daughter who said her band was playing, she gave it another thought.

Sooyoung was all about supporting local bands and artists. She didn’t have any plans and nowhere to actually be, and the thought of waking up to a quiet town didn’t seem so bad.

Tossing the money the waitress had given back to her in the performing man’s guitar case, she made her way back to the cafe.

Reaching her destination, she took in the sight of the cafe that was now lit up with lights, making it look more like a bar than a cafe at night. It was a lot more crowded than she thought it would be, but the teen she met did say that the event was one of the only “cool” things in town.

She hesitated for a moment, not sure if she was up for a crowd. She had wanted to avoid people, but that proved to be difficult when her giant backpacking backpack and guitar case made her stick out like a sore thumb everywhere she went.

People passed by her to get in as she stepped out of the way, standing to the side, still trying to decide if she should go in or leave. She felt her feet moving on their own to turn the other way, but as if life was playing with her, she found herself making eye contact with the blonde teen inside.

The small girl smiled and waved at her, and she knew she couldn’t just leave now, so she smiled back and went in.

“Hi, I’m so glad you could make it,” Chaewon greeted her. “Are you here to perform?” She eyed the guitar case in Sooyoung’s hand.

“I’m just here to watch.” Sooyoung looked around, feeling a bit nervous at how loud the place was getting.

“Oh, that’s fine too. My band can just play a longer set.” The girl began to walk as Sooyoung followed, not sure of where to go. “Do you want put you stuff down? We get a lot of backpackers that stop by to watch some live music before they leave, so we have a storage closet where we let them keep their things in.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sooyoung answered, looking around to see if she could spot the waitress from earlier.

“My Mom will be here in a bit. She’s going to be glad you decided to come. She’s been trying to get new performers to play, but it’s kinda hard when everyone knows everyone here and there’s only so many musicians. I mean, you’re not performing, but it’s still nice to see a new face.” The girl led them through the kitchen area and then to a back room with a couch, and unlocked a door with keys in hand. “It’s kinda small, but it’ll fit your stuff.” She held the door for Sooyoung. “And don’t worry, no one is getting in since only my Mom and I have the keys to this.”

Sooyoung wasn’t too worried about getting her stuff stolen, but was thankful the girl reassured her anyways. “Thank you.” She placed the guitar case in and then took off her heavy backpack to do the same.

“Chae.” They heard a voice calling out.

Recognizing who it was, Sooyoung turned around to see the waitress from the morning. The blonde’s tied up hair was now down and wavy, and instead of the work uniform and apron, she was in a casual look that made her soft features look even softer.

“Oh, hi,” the blonde greeted, stopping in her spot with widened eyes, having not expected to see her earlier customer again.

“Hi,” Sooyoung replied back.

“Introduce yourself, Mom,” Chaewon coughed under her breath.

The woman seemed to snap out of her daze and shook her head. “Oh, I’m so sorry, how rude of me. I’m Jinsol, but you probably already knew that thanks to my loudmouth daughter.” She stuck her hand out for a shake.

The teen scoffed. “Loudmouth, you talk more than me,” she muttered.

Taking the hand, Sooyoung firmly gripped it, always believing in good handshakes. “Sooyoung,” came her usual simple reply.

“Are you not performing?” Jinsol pointed at the storage closet that her daughter was locking up.

Sooyoung shook her head. “Just checking out what the show’s all about before heading off.”

“I guess you saw everything there was to this town already in just a few hours,” Jinsol joked, knowing how boring it could get.

“I actually enjoyed my time here.” Sooyoung wasn’t lying. Though there wasn’t much, the atmosphere of the place was something she couldn’t find in her trek into bigger cities.

Jinsol smiled, giving her a look of surprise. “Well, I’m glad you found a way to entertain yourself and hope you like tonight’s show.”

“Of course she’s gonna like it, Mom,” Chaewon piped in. “My band’s the only one performing,” her tone being playful.

“Where are you friends anyways? They’re supposed to be setting up.” Jinsol then motioned for them to follow her back out. She then glanced back at Sooyoung. “Most of the seats are taken or you’d have to share a table with people, but if you want, you can stay behind the counter with me. It’s more in the back but it’s a better view than standing too,” she offered after observing how introverted the other woman seemed.

Sooyoung thought for a moment, weighing out the pros and cons of each option. “If you don’t mind, behind the counter seems fine.” She figured it’d be less awkward for her to stick with the waitress she has already been introduced to than be around strangers who might attempt to talk to her.

“Okay, while you guys become buddies, I’m gonna go find my friends.” Chaewon gave her mom a hug and then quickly went to another part of the cafe after the taller blonde gave her a kiss on the head.

Jinsol pulled up the sleeves of the oversized knit sweater she had on and dragged a chair over to where it wouldn’t get in the way of the workers.

“Do you want a drink or something?” Jinsol asked pulling out two glasses before Sooyoung even said anything.

Sooyoung reached into her pocket to get her wallet. “Some mocktail would be nice,” she answered and then handed Jinsol a $10 bill.

Jinsol gave her a confused look. “It’s on the house.” She then picked up a few bottles. “Are you okay with some mixed fruit tasting drink?”

Sooyoung pointed at the front entrance. “I saw a sign outside that said the show is free if you buy a drink,” she commented, ignoring the last question.

“Ah,” Jinsol let out. “Well, my daughter has this theory that you’re in some badass post hardcore punk band or that you’re actually some secret agent or something, and I don’t know, I think she’d yell at me if I charged you to see her band after how cool she thought you were,” she rambled and then looked up when she was done mixing the cocktail shaker. “Did you say you’re okay with the drink?”

“The drink is fine.” Sooyoung pocketed the money again, knowing Jinsol wouldn’t accept it anyways. “I’m neither of those, by the way.”

Jinsol let out a laugh, handing the drink to Sooyoung while taking a sip from her own glass. “She has an active imagination. It must be from boredom and I don’t blame her since there really isn’t much to do around here so playing pretend is sometimes all we got,” she explained and then pointed at the stage that was coming together. “I’m just glad she stays out of trouble. A lot of kids tend to create chaos when they got nothing to do.”

Sooyoung hummed, knowing just how much kids have a tendency to do crazy stuff when constant boredom strikes. She herself was a bit of a troublemaker along with her friends back in the day, but they grew out of it when jobs and life kept them busy.

“Testing, testing,” Chaewon’s voice came out from a mic at the front of the stage. “Okay, cool.” She adjusted the stand so that it was a bit lower. “Hi, my name is Chaewon and I play bass and sing and dance sometimes, but most of you already know that. We also got Hyunjin on guitar and vocals, along with Hyejoo on drums and her baby voice vocals,” she introduced while half chuckling at the glare she got from the drummer. “Thank you all for coming out tonight. We are the one and only, Triple Chocolate Fudge.” The girl grinned as the drummer counted them in and they started playing.

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow and looked over at Jinsol at the unusual band name.

The blonde woman only laughed at the reaction. “Yep, that’s my kid.”

Sooyoung couldn’t help but return a small smile back.

“They wanted to name their band “Triplet Threat”, but it was already taken so they all agreed that their current name was the best next option,” Jinsol explained. “The kids like to eat a lot and my triple chocolate fudge cake is their favorite so…” She shrugged and took another sip of her drink. “You should try it sometime if you like.”

Sooyoung didn’t answer, just taking in Jinsol’s features of how happy she looked at the moment, just talking about her daughter.

Jinsol looked over when she didn’t get a reply. “Oh, sorry. I forgot you’re leaving tonight. Maybe if you ever pass by the town again, you can try it then.” She doubted she’d see Sooyoung again, but said it anyways. No one went through the town twice.

“Do you serve it for breakfast?” Sooyoung asked although cake first thing in the morning sounded like a stomachache ready to happen.

“Isn’t that a bit much for breakfast?” 

“You gave me pie this morning.”

“People eat pie for breakfast. Plus I put extra cinnamon in my apple pies and cinnamon’s good for the health,” Jinsol countered.

“I’m sure all the sugar is too,” Sooyoung joked in her usual flat tone.

Jinsol smiled at their banter. “I happen to add less sugar than most recipes and replace it with love, but to answer your question, no, we don’t serve cake for breakfast. It’s a lunch thing. Why are you asking anyways? I thought you’re gonna be gone by then.”

Sooyoung shrugged. “There’s this record store that has a vinyl I might want to pick up, but they’re closed already. Might also be a hassle to carry around though, so I’m not sure.” 

It was a half truth. She did think of buying the vinyl after leaving the shop, but ordering it online would probably be easier. The other half was that she was actually enjoying the other woman’s company at the moment. It wasn’t common for her to hold conversations with people so easily. Being not much of a talker usually caused others to become uninterested after a bit, but although Jinsol has been doing most of the talking, the woman didn’t seem to mind.

“The record store around the corner right?” Jinsol asked for confirmation, but then shook her head. “Actually, that’s the only record store.”

“Yeah. I actually think I saw your daughter’s band flyers taped outside of the shop when I come to think of it.” There were a bunch of impressive looking printed out papers on the glass windows when she was there, but the one that stuck out to her had a picture of a piece of chocolate cake surrounded by random things.

“My daughter’s friend, Hyejoo the drummer, designs all of their art and merch. She thinks she’s a genius, but I think she just likes being funny and not taking anything too seriously. I guess that does make her a genius then.” 

“That’s good. They seem to be having fun.” Sooyoung kept her eyes on the band. “Their music sounds nothing like how their band name makes them out to be.”

“You were expecting some goofy pop punk stuff or something weren’t you?” Jinsol was used to the misconception people had of her daughter’s band when they heard of the name or seen the merch.

“I guess you should never assume things.”

“Okay, but they actually do play some lighter poppier sounding stuff, but this setting is too small to play that. It’d be too loud and I’m not ready to clean up after a mosh pit.”

“Do they have any physical albums out?” Sooyoung asked as she got more curious of how different Chaewon was on and off stage.

“Most small bands just have their music online these days, but they do have some $5 burned CDs. Not sure if bands even do that anymore, but I suggested it to them since I used to do that too.”

“You were in a band?”

“I was in a band.”

“What happened to it?” Sooyoung didn’t usually ask questions to people she just met, finding it pointless since she’d probably never see them again, but the woman before her felt familiar but unpredictable at the same time.

Jinsol smiled, but it wasn’t her usual one. “I don’t know. People grow up and life gets busy.” She thought of her daughter and her friends, hoping they could stay together for a long time, but also knew that nothing was certain in life.

Sooyoung nodded in understanding. “Life does get busy, but making time to do the things you love is important to balance out everything and slow it down.” She was never good with words, but having spent time around others who were, she found herself repeating things they’ve said to her.

“I guess I fell out of love with playing music then, but what about you?” Jinsol asked, throwing the spotlight off of her.

“What about me?”

“Is traveling alone your thing that balances out your life?”

Sooyoung raised the glass to her lips and took a sip, thinking before answering. “I feel like it makes time pass by faster actually.”

“How long have you been doing this, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“A few months? Five, six months?” Sooyoung had lost track of time, not needing to worry about it. “Yeah, it’s almost been half a year.”

“That’s a long time. I can’t imagine being gone for that long.” Jinsol’s mind wandered, wondering what it would be like to just pack a bag and leave.

“I plan on going for another six months.”

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” She loved her alone time, but at the same time, she couldn’t fathom going place to place, never actually seeing the same people for long.

It was a question Sooyoung often got when people talked to her while on her trip, so she wasn’t surprised that although the other woman kept surprising her, the worry of loneliness was always on peoples’ minds. 

Sooyoung was always lonely though, especially when she was with others. “Sometimes,” she answered truthfully. “But sometimes being alone is when you learn the most about yourself.”

“What have you learned then?” Jinsol didn’t mean to sound like she was interrogating the brunette, but it was rare for her to actually have meaningful conversations with people and she figured she’d never see this woman again anyways.

Sooyoung learned that she didn’t actually like being alone no matter how much she tried to isolate herself from the world. “I learned that pie for breakfast isn’t that bad.”

Jinsol felt her ears burn a little. “Sorry, I’m asking too many questions aren’t I?” She asked, sheepishly. “I have the tendency to talk too much sometimes.”

“No, it’s fine.” Sooyoung cleared her throat at how she just made things uncomfortable.

Jinsol stopped talking after that and Sooyoung wanted to kick herself for it. Time had passed so fast while they talked that Chaewon’s band was already announcing that they were playing their last song.

Sooyoung was kind of glad they didn’t have to sit together for long as she felt the awkwardness in the air. She wasn’t sure if it was just her of if the other woman felt it too.

“Thank you once again for everyone that came out tonight,” Chaewon spoke into the mic on stage. “This last song is dedicated to my mother, the amazing and very single Jung Jinsol. She makes amazing triple chocolate fudge cakes, has a great sense of humor sometimes although she needs to work on it, and also loves to cuddle. I love you, Mom.” The grinning girl threw out a flying kiss and then placed her arms above her head to make them into a heart shape.

Sooyoung found herself not being able to hold in a small laugh as it escaped from her mouth. She turned to Jinsol to see the woman’s head down in her hands, hair covering her face.

“That’s your kid,” Sooyoung repeated Jinsol’s previous quote, teasing her.

The blonde groaned without looking up. “That’s my kid alright.”

“She seems sweet.” Sooyoung hasn’t known them for long, but anyone could tell the pair were close.

“She is,” Jinsol mumbled, finally looking up, giving up on trying to hide her blushing face. “But as you can see, she also loves embarrassing me.”

“It’s usually the opposite with parents and their kids.”

“Yeah, well, I embarrass her plenty as well.” Jinsol admitted with a smile as she listened to Chaewon’s singing voice.

Sooyoung fidgeted with the napkin her glass was on. “It must be nice.”

“What? Having a kid or embarrassing someone?”

“I just meant that you two seem really close.”

“We are. The kid’s all I got, well, that and the cafe.” Jinsol spread her arms out at the store they were in.

“So you own the place?” Sooyoung asked. She figured it was, but didn’t want to assume anything.

“Yeah, it’s not much and some days are really slow, but Chae and her friends seem to enjoy it since they’re always hanging around.” Jinsol then pointed at Sooyoung’s glass. “Do you want a refill or something else to drink?”

“I’m good. Thanks.” 

The band finished up their set, thanking everyone once again as people started to leave the cafe while others lingered around.

Sooyoung slid the empty glass over to Jinsol. “Thanks for inviting me to the show and thanks for the drink.” She got up from her seat and carried it back to where she saw Jinsol got it from.

“Yeah, no problem. Chaewon always loves when new people come out to listen to her band play.” Jinsol took the glass along with hers, walked over to the sink, and set them in. “Hey, uh,” her voice trailed off and she tucked hair behind her ear. “We usually grab something to eat after shows. You don’t have to agree to go, but would you like to come with us? I mean, unless you have plans to explore more of the town before leaving tomorrow.”

“Um,” Sooyoung started. She had no plans, but also didn’t know how well it’d be to have to talk to more than one person at once.

“Mom.”

They heard Chaewon’s voice and quick footsteps towards them.

“Did you like the dedication?” Chaewon asked, lunging onto her mom for a hug before the older woman could even answer. 

Jinsol returned the hug, rubbing her daughter’s back. “You were great, sweetie, but maybe lay off the whole thing about me being very single next time?”

“What you mean? You were the one complaining about being lonely,” Chaewon teased.

The taller blonde smacked the shorter one’s arm. “We have a guest.” She nodded her head over at Sooyoung who was standing off to the side pretending she couldn’t hear anything.

As if Chaewon didn’t notice the brunette at all, she turned to give her a little wave. “Oh hi. So, what’d you think?” She asked right away.

“You and your band were great,” Sooyoung replied genuinely. “Definitely the coolest thing I got to see in this town so far.”

“Really?” Chaewon raised her eyebrows in excitement. “You should come eat with us. I can show you something else that’s pretty cool.”

“Chae,” Jinsol warned. “She might have other plans tonight,” she said, not wanting to pressure the brunette.

Sooyoung shook her head. “I actually don’t have any plans.”

Chaewon nudged her mom. “See? We’re good. Let me pack up the stage first and then we’ll go?” She didn’t wait for a reply and rushed off to her friends who were almost done with their stuff already.

“Sorry about her,” Jinsol apologized for her daughter. “You really don’t have to come along if you don’t want to.”

Sooyoung brushed her off. “I am a bit hungry.” She hadn’t eaten anything since the pie, not really having an appetite throughout the day. “And I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, so you don’t have to worry,” she reassured.

Jinsol relaxed her shoulders that she didn’t even realize she was tensing before asking, “Do you like sushi?”

“I haven’t had in a long time, but yeah.”

“There’s this place where you order off of a screen and they make it fresh in the kitchen before sending it out through this conveyor belt. I’m sure you’ve had something similar before but Chae thinks it’s the coolest thing since she’s never really been out of this town to experience much else,” Jinsol explained, her voice sounded a bit off at the end.

“I’ve actually never been to one of those before.” Sooyoung thought the idea sounded great, not having to talk to anyone to get food to the table.

“Really? I’ve heard they’re getting bigger these days. I’ve been to a few but they were all far. I was surprised they even decided to open one here.”

“Mommy,” Chaewon’s voice dragged out from a distance.

“Baby,” Jinsol replied back in the same playful manner.

“We’re ready to grub.” Chaewon walked over to them with her friends trailing behind. She then turned her attention to Sooyoung. “These are my buddies Hyunjin and Hyejoo. Buddies, this is… Ms? Mrs? Aunt? Sooyoung,” she introduced.

“Sooyoung is fine.” She finally got to see the two other girls up close. They looked related with their chubby cheeks and neutral resting faces.

“Aunt Sooyoungie it is,” Chaewon announced, not wanting to call the older woman without formalities. “She’s a backpacker, so we’re just showing her what this beautiful town has to offer.”

“Did you show her the gum wall?” The girl with the cat like features asked.

“No one wants to see the gum wall, Hyunjin,” the other girl, Hyejoo, spoke up.

“No one wants to see the gum wall, Hyunjin,” the guitarist mocked back. “Then who was the one trying to jump as high as they can to get their gum to stick above mine?”

“Okay, kids, let's get going.” Jinsol started pushing everyone towards the exit to stop the bickering. “I feel like an elementary school teacher sometimes,” she mumbled. “Where’s your hoodie, Hyejoo?” She asked the girl who was only in an oversized t-shirt.

“Oh yeah,” the girl replied and ran back to the stage to pick up the piece of clothing and then caught up as they left the cafe.

Jinsol put on her own jacket and zipped it up. “The restaurant is just around the corner. It’s hard to find, so no one really knows it exists unless you live here,” she informed Sooyoung as they began to walk.

Nodding, Sooyoung watched as the three girls in front of them joked around laughing and playfully hitting each other from time to time.

They turned into an alley where a few different stores were lit up with neon lights. Reaching the very last store, Sooyoung glanced at Jinsol in confusion to see a sign that read “Sleep less, play more” on the door.

“The sushi place is upstairs.” Jinsol pointed up at the building. “You can either get to it by the outside stairs.” She then pointed to the right. “Or go through this store, and I think you can guess which way we’re going.”

Chaewon pulled the door open and held it for everyone. “You’re old, so you’ll probably know more of the stuff inside than I do,” she said to Sooyoung.

The brunette wasn’t even offended by the comment as she stepped into the store, not sure of what to expect. Looking around, she was more confused at the seemingly random stuff inside.

“It’s retro themed,” Jinsol said, seeing the confusion in the other woman’s face. “There’s old school gaming consoles and snacks from the past, vhs, vinyl records,” she added. “The kids love the place. While most of this stuff is old to us, it’s new to them.”

Sooyoung found herself intrigued, never having been to a store like this before. She finally understood what the place was about after the realization from the explanation. It looked like some gamer’s basement with its dimmed lights and decorations, reminding her of simpler times.

Walking over to shelves of snacks that caught her eye, Sooyoung ran her fingers across some packages she recognized.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Jinsol asked as she stayed by Sooyoung’s side while the kids were off somewhere else.

“Yeah,” Sooyoung muttered and then picked up a container of chips. “I thought they discontinued this.”

“Ah, a classic,” Jinsol commented. “Yeah, I used to eat those when I was younger. I don’t really know how they get all this, but I guess they still make these somewhere in the world.”

Placing the snack back, she picked up another, but dropped it just as fast as she felt her heart rate pick up. She closed her eyes for a second and then cleared her throat. “Is there a restroom in here?” She asked.

Jinsol didn’t miss how Sooyoung seemed a bit off in that moment, but decided not to comment on it. “Uh, yeah. It’s in the back to the left.” She pointed in the direction.

Sooyoung quickly thanked her and walked off, feeling lightheaded. She breathed in through her nose and out of her mouth. Reaching the door, she pushed open the private restroom and locked the door. She paced around for a moment before stopping in her tracks, just looking up at the ceiling.

Even the decor inside of the restroom was retro with its old posters and trinkets around. It made Sooyoung forget what was on her mind for a second as it distracted her. Letting out a loud exhale, she quietly mumbled to herself to get a grip.

Walking over to the sink, she splashed cold water on her face before drying it off with a paper towel. She stared at herself in the mirror to see someone she didn’t recognize. She has always been skinny, but the cheeks she saw were sunken in more than how she last remembered them and the bags under her eyes couldn’t be covered with makeup.

Gathering herself together and taking in another deep breath, she left the restroom and went back out to find everyone.

It wasn’t hard to spot the small blonde who was playing video games with her friends at an arcade cabinet.

“Hey, where’s your Mom?” She asked, not seeing the other blonde anywhere.

“She went up to get us a table,” Hyunjin answered instead since she wasn’t playing on the two player game. “You can go up if you want. We’re almost done. Chae’s about to die anyway.” She motioned towards the blonde that was screaming for dear life while the other girl playing had on a straight face.

“I’ll stay. What are you guys playing?” Sooyoung crossed her arms and tried to make out what was going on in the game.

“Zombies Ate My Neighbors.”

“What’s up with those creepy babies carrying axes?” Sooyoung questioned as she watched the characters on the screen run away from a bunch of them.

“Zombie babies,” Hyunjin replied. “Babies are creepy in general.”

Sooyoung looked at the girl who had an equally straight face as the one playing next to Chaewon. She didn’t reply, not even knowing how to answer that.

“Argh, I hate this level,” Chaewon shouted with her fists up dramatically after the screen showed the “GAME OVER” sign.

“That was literally just level 3 and we couldn’t even get passed that.” Hyejoo started to walk towards the stairs as everyone followed.

Chaewon stomped her way over. “Well, maybe if we worked together instead of you running in the opposite direction as me.”

“You’re blaming me?” Hyejoo scoffed. “I’m good enough to be a pro gamer, you pleb.”

Chaewon growled and jumped onto her friend’s back just as they reached the stairs. The taller of the two was knocked forward a bit, but kept her balance.

“Now is not the time, children,” Hyunjin said with a little annoyance in her tone. “I’m hungry and you don’t want to see me hangry right now.”

“I’ll give you a piggyback ride later. Get off of me.” Hyejoo shook her body so the smaller girl would get off.

Chaewon complied and slid down slowly. “Children?” She sounded offended. “You’re only four days older than me.”

“That’s right. That’s four whole days of more experience than you. While you were still in the womb, I was already crying and drinking milk, so shut up,” Hyunjin countered back and made her way up the stairs.

Sooyoung was behind, walking up slowly, being amused by the three’s interaction. “You guys are friends right?”

The three turned around, staring at her for a second before bursting out in laughter.

Chaewon slapped Hyunjin’s back while laughing, but stopped when the girl glared at her. “We’re not just friends, we’re soulmates,” she said it like it was the most obvious thing.

“I was just going to go down and get you guys,” Jinsol’s voice came from the top of the stairs.

“Yeah, we just got done playing some games, Mom.” Chaewon took ahold of the taller blonde’s hand as they went through the door at the top and into the sushi restaurant.

For a second, Sooyoung felt like she was witnessing moments she shouldn’t be, like she didn’t belong in their world. All of the sudden, a feeling of loneliness washed over her as she tried to shake it off.

“Hey, you okay?”

Sooyoung snapped out of the daze to see Jinsol’s concerned face. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She rubbed her own arm to distract herself from the emotions she was overcome with.

“Looked like you were lost in thought for a moment.”

Sooyoung gave her a small smile to try to reassure her that everything was okay and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

“If you say so.” Jinsol didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t push it.

They were seated right away at a table that was far from others.

“This is our usual spot, or we try to sit here if it’s empty anyways,” Jinsol said, taking a seat as Sooyoung sat down next to her while the three teens were across from them.

“Yeah, because our picture is here.” Chaewon pointed at one of the printed out photos that was taped to the wall alongside a bunch of others that covered the place. “Don’t we look cute?” She raised her hand up and used a finger to stroke at her mom’s hair in the picture.

Sooyoung could see Jinsol rolling her eyes at her daughter, but knew she adored the small blonde. Looking at the picture, she could see all of them present, making funny faces rather than the normal smiling ones in other photos that surrounded theirs.

The table talked, discussing what each person wanted as Hyunjin swiped through the menu screen. They ordered a bunch of stuff along with things everyone recommended for Sooyoung to try. She wasn’t a picky eater, so she agreed with whatever.

Sooyoung found the process interesting as the food came out pretty quickly on little plates from conveyor belts. Soon, the table was filled with more food she thought they could eat, but watching Chaewon’s friends scarf down piece after piece proved her wrong as they stacked up their plates.

“So what do you do?” Chaewon asked Sooyoung with her mouth full.

“Chaewon,” Jinsol warned at her daughter’s question.

“What? It’s not like I asked her if she was single or anything,” the girl defended herself.

Sooyoung slightly choked on her food and coughed, picking up her glass of water.

Chaewon eyes widen. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to answer anything if you don’t want to. I’m just curious every time I talk to backpackers. They always have interesting stories.”

Sooyoung waved her off and took another sip before answering, “It’s fine, really. I, um, I don’t have a job right now. I mean, that’s obvious since I’ve been on the road for some time now.” She fidgeted with the straw before picking up her chopsticks again. “I used to model,” she said quickly, shoving a piece of sushi into her mouth.

“I can totally see that.” Chaewon nodded her head in approval. “Those defined features, uh huh.”

“Chaewon,” Jinsol scolded again.

“What?” The teen shrugged. “I’m complimenting her.” She then turned to Sooyoung. “I’m complimenting you. You’re gorgeous.”

Sooyoung felt her face flush a bit and cleared her throat. “Thank you,” she muttered, not expecting the teen to say anything like that, but the more time she spent with her, the more unpredictable the girl got.

“You know, I thought you looked familiar,” it was Hyejoo who spoke this time. “I think I’ve seen your somewhere on a magazine or something.”

Sooyoung kept her gaze elsewhere, not really wanting to be in the spotlight. “Yeah, maybe.” That modeling life felt like some distant past she could barely recall. She liked when she went to places where no one knew her, and bringing up her previous career started to make her feel exposed.

“Anyone want more food?” Jinsol asked, changing the topic, seeing that Sooyoung was getting uncomfortable.

The three teens arms shot up in the air as if they were in school.

After a few more rounds of food, they finally called it quits.

“And now, we slide our plates into this slot in the table.” Chaewon held up a plate and showed Sooyoung how it was done. “The screen counts how many we place in and for every five, we get a chance to win a little prize.” She then pointed at the gachapon vending machine at the top of the conveyor belt.

Five plates went in and they looked at the screen to see an animation of different characters battling. It ended shortly with the large words entering the screen that read “YOU LOST”.

“Dangit!” Chaewon shouted and shoved more plates into the slot. “Come on.” She clasped her hands together after she slide five in.

Another animation popped up as all they all kept their eyes on it. More shouting of disappointment came after as Chaewon repeated the process with the rest of the plates.

Some attempts later, the animation finally revealed the words they were all hoping for. The teens made noise out of excitement and Jinsol looked just as happy.

The gachapon machine made some noises before a blue toy capsule came out of it. Chaewon picked it up and raised it up into the air shouting victory.

The blonde teen then held out the capsule with both hands towards Sooyoung. “The time has come for you to be initiated as an honorary member of this town no one stays in for long,” she dramatically declared and opened her hands to present the capsule to Sooyoung.

“You just spent this whole time grumbling over not winning anything.” Sooyoung started blankly at the hands.

“Yeah, because I wanted to win a prize for you. A souvenir from a place no tourist knows of. How cool is that? You’d be one of the only ones with this.” Chaewon still had her hands out.

Sooyoung finally picked it up, examining the semi transparent capsule. She popped it open by squeezing it and the contents of it fell out. Picking up the little toy, she raised it up by the chain to get a closer look.

“It’s a keychain,” Sooyoung stated the obvious.

“It’s a little blue fish.” Chaewon had a pouty face at how cute the toy was. “It looks like Mom,” she then pointed out with a laugh.

Jinsol glared at her daughter, but didn’t say anything.

Chaewon grinned, ignoring her mom’s stare still on her. “Now you have something to remember the coolest people by.”

“Thank you.” Sooyoung didn’t know what else to say, but was glad she took the chance and decided to come along.

Pulling out her wallet, she tried to take her card to pay for the table as gratitude but Jinsol stopped her.

“It’s okay. You’re a guest to the town and I invited you, so it’s only right if this one’s on me,” Jinsol insisted.

Sooyoung wanted to argue, but the determined look on the blonde woman’s face made her decide against it, knowing she wasn’t going to win this one.

They finished up and began to walk back to the cafe for Sooyoung to get her things. For once, Sooyoung wasn’t trying to end the night so quick, finding beauty in a town no one cared to look at twice. No one ever looked hard enough or cared to search beyond the surface level because she had found so many things that made the place memorable.

Walking a different direction, they dropped off Hyunjin and Hyejoo at their house first, which was enough confirmation to decide that those two were related, but Sooyoung didn’t ask about it. Keeping quiet, she just listened to the mother daughter duo talk the entire way back. At first, the two just seemed more like friends, but the more she was in their presence, she could see how much Chaewon like being babied by her mother and how much Jinsol took care of her daughter. 

“Where are you staying for the night?” Jinsol asked as they reached the cafe. “You can just stay here,” she suggested. “We actually live above the cafe, so it’s pretty convenient.”

“I thought you were leaving tonight?” Chaewon questioned.

“I was going to, but then your Mom talked about her triple chocolate fudge cake that you guys serve at lunch.” Sooyoung shoved her hands in her pocket, not sure if that was even an excuse to stay for a little longer. “And it’s fine. I saw a motel not too far from here earlier.”

“Are you sure? It’ll save you some money and it’s not any hassle.”

“Mom, you can’t just invite anyone over to stay,” Chaewon hissed out quietly.

Jinsol rolled her eyes. “She’s not a secret agent if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“How would you know? Secret agents obviously wouldn’t tell you they’re secret agents.”

Sooyoung watched as the two bickered. “It’s really okay. Money isn’t a problem, so I can just grab a place for the night.”

Chaewon then turned to the older woman. “No offense, you’re really cool and all, but I barely know anything about you and my Mom’s too nice, and it’s my job to keep her safe, so…” The girl shrugged, entered the cafe after her mom opened the door.

“No offense taken. Totally understandable.” Sooyoung nodded her head along. “And your daughter’s right. I’m technically just a stranger, so don’t go inviting random people into your home.”

“Why am I the one getting lectured,” Jinsol grumbled. She then grabbed Chaewon by her back collar. “And it’s my job to keep you safe, not the other way around.” Pulling the girl closer, she patted her butt as her daughter whined.

“Okay, but it’s not like you seem dangerous or anything,” Chaewon directed her attention back to Sooyoung, “but I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries and it’s always the nicest people that are crazy, well, I’m not saying that you are, but I gotta make sure, you know?”

“You don’t have to explain to me. It’s good that you’re being cautious.” Sooyoung grabbed her stuff from the storage room and began to leave as the two walked her out. “I appreciate you guys going out of your way to welcome me into this town, by the way. I didn’t know what to expect, but I really enjoyed tonight, and the pie.”

“It’s our pleasure,” Jinsol started. “I always feel like an ambassador for this town. People never give it a chance, but I think it has a lot more to it if people would just come here with an open mind rather than seeing it as some obstacle to pass through to get to their next destination. So also thanks to you for trusting us with your time.”

Sooyoung didn’t know how to respond. She wasn’t used to such hospitality or actually accepting it, but the two in front of her kept her on her toes, making her feel like maybe it isn’t too bad to actually talk to people rather than avoiding them.

“I should get going now, but thank you again. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sooyoung stepped outside of the cafe as Jinsol held the door open for her.

The two smiled at her and said their goodbyes before closing the shop and disappearing into the store.

Sooyoung was left alone again as she took a deep breath in and exhaled through her mouth to see her breath in the cold. Making her way to the motel she spotted earlier, her mind started to go through the day she just had. 

She couldn’t help but feel even lonelier after interacting with people. It happened every time and for a second, she thought maybe it would have been better if she had declined their offer to come to the show and to eat dinner. Spending time with people made her realize how alone she was, but then shook her head when she thought back to her friends who cared for her back home. She couldn’t tell if she was just doing this to herself or if something was wrong with her. 

Life was weird. Nothing was predictable, but she found comfort in the constant routine of not trying to break out of her mold of keeping her distance away from others. It made her feel safe, but safe wasn’t what she wanted at the moment. She just wanted to feel something, something more than her mind and will breaking at the seams like old shoes that have outlived their wear.


	2. ESCAPE PLAN

Sooyoung woke up with a start in cold sweat, hands gripping the bed sheets. For a moment, she forgot where she was as she tried to calm down her breathing and adjust her eyes to the dark. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she finally remembered that she was in some town away from home. She had almost thought that she was back in her own bed, but quickly knew she wasn’t when the material of the blanket felt off and all the feelings around her didn’t suffocate her as much.

Reaching over to wake her phone, she let out an exhale seeing the numbers displayed on the screen that read 5:39 AM. It took her a few hours of tossing and turning to finally fall asleep at around 2 AM and seeing the time just made her feel frustrated. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, so she sat all the way up and rested against the bed frame. 

Her mind wasn’t fully awake yet as the emotions of the nightmare that woke her up still lingered, leaving her feeling like she was a fraud in skin that wasn’t hers. Placing her head in her hands, she exhaled again and threw the blanket off of her before getting up from the bed. She got ready in the bathroom and dressed warmly, deciding that the silent room with the crushing four walls were too much for her to handle.

Putting on a beanie and flipping the collar of her jacket up, she made her way out of her motel room and entered the cold. Being out when the sun was still sleeping was something she got used to. There weren’t many nights where she got a good rest, so taking a walk was her way to clear her head even when her mind and body were exhausted.

She thought the cold would distract her enough, but it proved her wrong when it just got worse. Pulling her phone out of her pocket to check the time once more, she could have used the early numbers that were displayed on the screen as an excuse, but knew her friend, Jungeun, would be up at this ungodly hour even on a weekend.

Hesitating, she pressed the call button, placed the device up to her ear and let it ring. It only took two rings for the other to pick up.

“Unnie,” came the hushed voice.

“You sound tired,” Sooyoung pointed out.

“Nah, I’m just trying to keep quiet because Haseul and Yeojin are still sleeping. I’m glad you called, but it’s pretty early though. Are you somewhere where there’s a time difference?”

Sooyoung knew her friend was trying to gauge where her location was with the question and felt kind of bad that she’s been so secretive with everything she’s been doing. “No, I’m not too far. I just couldn’t sleep,” she admitted.

Jungeun hummed over the line. “Have you been taking your medications?”

“You know I don’t like the side effects.”

“At least take melatonin. I know you said they don’t work, but maybe try again, or I heard listening to white noise might help or meditation,” Jungeun suggested a bunch of things she had searched up.

“Yeah, I’ll look into it.” Truth was that Sooyoung tried many methods, but none seemed to work. “How are you?” It’s been a long time since she has asked her friend that since it was usually the other way around.

“Me?” Jungeun sighed lightly, but it wasn’t missed by Sooyoung’s ears. “I’m okay. We’re actually going back to Cheongju today. Jiwoo’s mom keeps telling us to visit so she can give us some stuff to fill our fridge. That woman sure loves to feed us.” There was a pause before she spoke again, “she misses you, you know.”

“I know.” Sooyoung shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. “Tell her I’m sorry and that I’ll come to visit some other time.” She didn’t know when she’d be back, but she’d eventually have to some day.

“How have you been doing?” Jungeun changed the topic, knowing it was no use in nagging Sooyoung about coming home. 

“I’ve been as okay as I can be, I guess,” Sooyoung didn’t want to explain more, but the answer would have to be good enough. “I’m sorry I haven’t been returning your calls or text messages. I’ll do better.” She knew how much Jungeun worried and felt bad every time she didn’t feel like answering and ended up forgetting to reply.

“You know you can always talk to me right? If you want, I don’t even have to say anything back if you just want a listening ear.” Jungeun let out another sigh when she didn’t get a response. “I know you, and I know you’ve probably been avoiding as much human interaction as possible. And as much as you don’t want to hear me nag, it’s not healthy, Unnie.”

Sooyoung contemplated on whether to tell Jungeun about Jinsol or not to get her friend to stop worrying. It’s not like Jinsol was the first person she has talked to during her travels, but it was the first real conversation that wasn’t just small talk. 

“I talked to someone last night,” Sooyoung decided it probably would be best to just let Jungeun know.

“Yeah?” Jungeun replied in surprise.

“Yeah. This woman gave me free pie and invited me to open mic night at this cafe she owns. It ended up just being her kid’s band playing, but they were actually pretty good.”

“That’s kind of her. Did you get her number?”

“Jungeun,” Sooyoung dragged the name. “It’s not like that. She was just being nice because I’m a backpacker and thought she’d show me a few places in this small town where there’s not really much to do.”

“I didn’t even mean it like that. I just meant that it’d be good if you made some friends.”

“I have friends.”

“I’m not saying you don’t,” Jungeun said softly. “But talking to someone outside of your friend circle could be beneficial. Sometimes I think you’ve known me and the others for so long that it’s hard to tell us everything that’s on your mind. A fresh pair of ears could do you good.” She hated that Sooyoung couldn’t express how she felt to her, but hoped that there could at least be someone the older woman could talk to.

“It’s not like I’m gonna go tell some stranger my whole life story.” Sooyoung didn’t get what was the point in making other friends.

“But that’s just the thing. They’re strangers. You could use this to your advantage since you’re constantly on the move anyway and will probably never see them again. It’s like free therapy.”

“I’m fine just talking to you.”

“You don’t even talk to me.”

Sooyoung couldn’t even argue with that because it was partially true. “I’m seeing that waitress again later. I’m not guaranteeing anything, but she was nice.”

“That’s a start. Don’t go running so fast either. If she likes talking to you too, maybe stick around for a bit. You never know what could happen. Everyone you meet is a chance to learn something.”

“You sound like my mother,” Sooyoung mumbled.

“If I was your mother, I’d be dragging your ass back home, but I’m your best friend and I swore to you not to tell her where you are, but that’s the thing. I have no idea where you are.”

“You don’t need to know. I’m just in some small town with some ridiculous name that I don’t even want to say it out loud.” Sooyoung looked up, finally taking notice of her surroundings to find herself unconsciously walking towards the cafe. “How’s Yeojin?” She diverted the conversation elsewhere so Jungeun would drop the topic.

More sighing could be heard from the other line. “Your niece is still as loud as ever, but I think she’s going through her rebellious stage. She’s made some new friends,” her voice trailed a bit.

“Are they a bad influence or what?” Sooyoung hasn’t seen the young teen for months, so this was the first time she has heard of this issue.

“I think she’s just acting out. I can’t tell if things are getting better or if,” Jungeun stopped mid sentence. “We’re trying the best we can, but with Haseul getting more busy with work too, it’s just been difficult.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, for anyone.” Sooyoung bit her lip at the guilt that crept up.

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, Unnie. We understand.”

“No, you can’t just keep doing that, Jungeun. You have to make me accountable for all of this shit I’ve been putting you guys through,” Sooyoung growled out in frustration.

“We all got ways we deal with things, Unnie, and I know you’re trying your best. It just takes time. No one is thinking badly of you,” Jungeun tried to reassure, but knew it’d take more than that to convince her friend.

“I should get going,” Sooyoung muttered, seeing the lights on in the cafe where she was approaching.

“Unnie,” Jungeun started. “You know you can come home any time you want, right? You don’t have anything to prove.”

Sooyoung clenched her fist, fighting off the urge to lash out. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She decided to say instead. “I’ll try to make it to Yeojin’s birthday.”

“Don’t push yourself if you’re not up for it.”

“I don’t want to let her down.” It was more than just her niece though, she didn’t want to let any of them down.

“We all want you home, but if you’re not ready to come back, then what’s the point? Work on yourself first and when you’re ready, we’ll all be here waiting for you.”

Sooyoung stopped in her tracks. “Thanks, Jungeun. I really mean it.”

“You don’t have to thank me. No matter how alone you think you are, you know I’m always here for you,” Jungeun’s voice slightly shook at the end, but she cleared her throat to gather herself together. “I love you, Unnie.”

“I love you too, Jungeun-ah. Tell the others I said hi.”

“I will. Bye. I’ll call again at night or something.”

“Okay.” And with that, Sooyoung ended the phone call.

She shoved the phone back into her jacket pocket and rubbed her hands together from how frozen they were. No matter how she tried to warm herself, she always just felt cold. There was never any more warmth.

Talking to Jungeun always made her feel better, but sometimes she didn’t want to feel better, so most times, she just avoided her friend. It was a bad habit she wasn’t willing to break because she thought she deserved the pain. And then other times, she just wanted it all to stop, and when everything gets too much, Jungeun was always her voice of reason in a world that didn’t make sense anymore.

Every time she got off the phone, it was always the same thing. She’d think of trying, trying for the sake of her friends, her family, but like some sick routine, it’s just an endless cycle of going back and forth between that and self-loath.

Walking faster, Sooyoung had planned to just pass the cafe and to go somewhere else since it was early, but something caught her attention in the corner of her eye. She took a glance to see Jinsol talking to a woman that was a little taller with long ash brown hair. At first, she thought it was nothing, but as she observed the scene a little longer, it was obvious that Jinsol seemed upset.

Thinking it wasn’t any of her business, Sooyoung started to walk again, but before she could even take two steps, Jinsol’s raised voice could be heard from outside. Looking in again, Sooyoung tilted her head in confusion seeing the stranger grab at Jinsol’s wrist. Without thinking, she pushed her way into the cafe.

“Hi, are you open?” Sooyoung asked as she stepped in, although she already knew they were from the lit sign outside.

The woman that Sooyoung only saw the back of turned around. She had a scowl on her face, but quickly changed it to a neutral look.

“Yeah, yes, we just opened. Welcome in,” Jinsol replied with a stutter and eyes wide from surprise of seeing the familiar face she wasn’t expecting. “Take a seat anywhere and I’ll be right with you.” She tried to smile, but Sooyoung could see right through it.

The waitress shot a quick glance at the woman she was just arguing with before going behind the counter to put on an apron and grab her pen and notepad.

“We still need to talk after,” the taller woman hissed quietly, but with the cafe being empty, it wasn’t too hard to hear everything within the four walls.

“I have a customer, Yoohyeon,” Jinsol replied calmly and made her way to Sooyoung.

Sooyoung had thought that Jinsol was just arguing with a customer, but now knowing that the blonde knew the name of this other woman, it made her feel angrier than she did before.

Jinsol stopped by the same corner table just like the day before, but this time, Sooyoung was faced towards the store instead of her gaze out of the window. “Hi, what could I get for you?” She asked in a happy tone as if Sooyoung was just any other customer.

“I, um,” Sooyoung stumbled over what to say. She wasn’t planning to come into the cafe, let alone know what’s on the menu since she didn’t even look at it the other day. 

“Do you need another minute?” Jinsol questioned, but gave Sooyoung a slight look of being uncomfortable or something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Coffee?” She had a confused look on her face, saying the first thing that came to her mind. That was one habit she wish she could break. For someone who never even drinks coffee, she kept ordering it.

“Would you like something to eat with that? There’s fresh pumpkin pie that just came out,” Jinsol suggested, pointing back to the kitchen.

Sooyoung didn’t feel hungry. She rarely had breakfast. “Yeah, sure,” she answered anyway.

The blonde took her time writing down the order. “Alright, I’ll be back in a minute.” She walked quickly to go behind the counter again and get the coffee.

The woman Sooyoung didn’t know was now seated near where Jinsol had to get the order. Although she wasn’t saying anything, she kept her eye on the blonde, which didn’t sit well with Sooyoung.

Jinsol was back at her corner table in record time. “Here you go. A slice of pumpkin pie and a cup of coffee.” She placed the items down without looking at Sooyoung.

“Let me guess, you added more cinnamon and less sugar?” The brunette commented to get Jinsol to relax a little.

The waitress finally looked up and gave her a small smile. “Yes, and if you need anything else, please let me know.”

Sooyoung wanted to bite her tongue, but decided to ask what was on her mind anyways. “Are you okay?” She asked in a whispered voice. “Do you need help?” Not wanting to look over at the eyes she knew were still on them, she implied what she meant by raising an eyebrow.

Jinsol slightly shook her head. “I’m fine, thanks. Enjoy the pie.”

Sooyoung watched as the blonde walked off and the other woman standing up at the same time. She held her ground, not sure of what to do or if this stranger was even dangerous or not. All she knew was that Jinsol was uncomfortable and it was enough for her to stick around to make sure she was really okay.

“What are you doing here?” A familiar tiny voice interrupted, making Sooyoung turn her attention to the back of the cafe. She couldn’t see Chaewon until the small blonde entered the scene a moment later with a scowl on her face.

“Chae,” the taller woman, Yoohyeon, started, taking a step forward, but Jinsol quickly stood between the two.

“Go back upstairs, Chaewon,” Jinsol firmly said. She had a different expression on her face this time. Instead of keeping her gaze on the ground like earlier, she stood up straight and stared the other woman down.

“No,” Chaewon growled out, trying to peek her head over her mom’s shoulder, but her height made it difficult. “What do you want? You bothering my Mom again?”

“Chaewon,” Jinsol warned again, reaching a hand back to take a hold of the hem of her daughter’s shirt.

“I just want to talk.” Yoohyeon had her hands up to show that she didn’t mean trouble.

Chaewon scoffed. “Well, you can talk to my fists.” She waved her arm around, only to get a glare from her mom.

“You should just leave,” Jinsol spoke up, trying to defuse the situation.

“I came all the way here to talk things over and you’re not even going to listen to me?” Yoohyeon raised her voice, but tried to sound calm.

“What’s there to talk about? All you do is talk at me, not to me, so no, I don’t have to listen to what you want to say.” She held onto one of her daughter’s hands and ran her thumb across the back to get her to stop clenching them.

The taller woman took a step forward making Jinsol take two steps back, almost tripping on Chaewon’s feet in the process.

That indicator was enough for Sooyoung to shoot up from her seat. “Hey, is there a problem?” Her hands started to shake as she kept them planted on the table.

Yoohyeon turned around with the same neutral face she had on earlier. “This is a family issue, so I suggest you stay out of it,” her tone was flat to hide how she really felt.

“Family?” Chaewon snarled. “You think you’re my mother or something? Fu—,” the curse words that were about to leave her mouth were stopped when Jinsol placed a hand over to stop them.

The woman that was faced Sooyoung turned her attention to the other two again. “If I was your mother, you’d know not to use those words to adults,” she said in a low voice.

Sooyoung stepped away from her table and found herself walking towards the group. Her legs felt like jelly and her heart pounded so loud, she could hear it in her ears.

“Hey,” Sooyoung called out gently with her arms out to show she wasn’t a threat. “Why don’t you step outside and cool down? It’s obvious that you’re making them upset.” She just wanted to get the stranger away from the waitress and her daughter somehow.

“I don’t need to cool down.” Yoohyeon did look calm and collected, but Sooyoung knew better when she took a glance at the two blondes.

“Look, this doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere, so just,” Sooyoung was trying to find the right words to say, “we can just go outside for a bit and the two of us can talk about whatever,” she suggested, not really knowing what else to do.

Yoohyeon ignored Sooyoung and directed her attention back to Jinsol. “I’ll come by when you’re not working.” And without another word, she walked out of the cafe, leaving everyone standing there in silence for a second.

“Are you two okay?” Sooyoung asked although she was shaken up too from having to confront someone she didn’t know.

Jinsol swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

“I should have dropkicked her,” Chaewon mumbled from behind her mom. “But yeah, um, thanks a lot.” She then rubbed Jinsol’s arm. “I can get you some tea.”

“No, it’s fine, baby.” Jinsol relaxed her shoulders and caressed her daughter’s cheek before pulling her in for a short hug.

Sooyoung stood there awkwardly before walking back to her table, not wanting to interrupt their moment together.

“Do you want more coffee or anything?” Jinsol asked and then cleared her throat.

“Yeah, sure,” came her automatic answer, but she could probably use less of it since she couldn’t tell if she was jittery from the liquid or the adrenaline or both.

“Could you please eat breakfast before shoving cookies into your mouth?” Jinsol scolded her daughter who was lifting off the lid of the glass container by the cash register.

Chaewon grumbled but closed the lid back up before walking to the kitchen.

Picking up the coffee pot, Jinsol went to Sooyoung again who was taking a sip out of her cup.

“For someone who keeps ordering coffee, you don’t really look like you enjoy it,” Jinsol commented, seeing the slight frown on the brunette’s face.

Sooyoung placed the cup down for Jinsol to refill.

“You know we have cream and sugar right?” She pointed at the items on the other side of the table.

“Yeah.” Sooyoung fidgeted with the napkin under her cup. “I actually don’t even drink coffee,” she confessed.

“Then why order it?” Jinsol questioned.

The other woman shrugged.

Jinsol sighed. “Hey, thanks again for, you know. I thought you weren’t coming in until lunch?”

“I couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk and ended up here. And yeah, it wasn’t a problem.” She wanted to ask more but decided if Jinsol wanted to tell her, she’d tell her.

“I, uh,” Jinsol let out another exhale. “I’m sorry about earlier. You didn’t have to step in.” She hated to involve other people, especially ones she has become acquaintances with.

“It’s fine, really. I didn’t mean to get into your business or anything, but,” Sooyoung scratched the back of her neck, unsure of what to say.

Jinsol shook her head. “No, what you did, I appreciate it. I just didn’t want you to get hurt or anything.”

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. “Was I in danger of getting into a physical altercation?” The question left her mouth before she could think. Having to defend Jinsol and Chaewon from that woman definitely crossed her mind when her fight or flight mode picked up.

“I just meant that situations can become unpredictable when emotions are running high.” Jinsol drummed her fingers on the coffee pot. “I should get back to organizing some things.” She then gestured at the table. “Breakfast is on the house, by the way.”

“How do you make money when you keep giving away free drinks and pie? Not to mention, I think your kid eats all of the cookies before anyone could even get to them.” 

Jinsol chuckled at the comment making Sooyoung smile that she succeeded in lightening up the mood, even if it was something small.

The blonde shrugged her shoulders a little. “You’ve just been really kind to me is all.” She then tilted her head as if she wanted to say more, but refrained from it. “And about my kid, I’ve been really trying to get her to eat less sugar. That’s why I’ve been baking my stuff with less of it, but it doesn’t even matter if she’s going to eat double the amount anyway right?”

Sooyoung liked when Jinsol rambled. The woman always seemed so carefree and just said whatever was on her mind, but seeing her so timid and scared just a moment ago pulled something in Sooyoung’s heart.

“And now you’re feeding me sugar in the morning when you won’t even let Chaewon have that cookie before breakfast,” Sooyoung teased in her usual monotone voice.

Jinsol’s lips curved slightly upwards. “Pumpkin and cinnamon are good for you.” Tapping the coffee pot again, the blonde tensed her shoulders. “Look, I know I said we’d be serving triple chocolate fudge cake for lunch, but I’m sorry because I don’t think I’ll be able to make it today. I mean, I can always ask someone in the kitchen to make it, but it won’t be the same and I don’t want you to try something that isn’t what I want it to be. So if you want to hop over to another city, you can always leave this town early now. And I don’t know, maybe someday come back to try it,” Jinsol rambled again and Sooyoung was surprised that she was even paying attention to it.

“It’s not like I can stop by the cafe any time and I’d be guaranteed a slice of cake,” came Sooyoung’s only reply.

“I mean, you can always call in and check. We rotate our pies and desserts daily, but I can always make the cake for you if you call ahead of time.” Jinsol reached into one of the pockets on her apron and pulled out a business card to hand to the other woman.

Sooyoung blinked at the card she wasn’t expecting since she was just trying to joke with the blonde. Taking the item, she examined the front and back of the eden green card with black font. “I think I’m actually going to stick around for a bit since I’ve been to the place I’m going to next before. Seems like there’s a lot more than meets the eye in this town.” 

For one, she wanted to spend all day in the record store and revisit the retro shop since she didn’t get to see much. But the real deciding factor to stay was because whatever Jinsol and Chaewon were going through, it didn’t sit right with her. She wasn’t going to leave without knowing that they were safe.

Jinsol rested a hand on her hip. “I’ve met so many backpackers throughout my years working here. They would tell me that this town wasn’t too bad, that they’ve seen this and that, want to go here and there, but none of them stayed, not because they wanted to anyway. It’s just a cheaper option here than to get a hotel elsewhere.” She then narrowed her eyes. “Are you doing anything after this?”

“Uh,” Sooyoung let out. She never knew what to say. The woman in front of her always kept her on her toes. “No? I wasn’t even planning on waking this early.”

Jinsol smiled, a real smile this time, like the ones Sooyoung first saw. “Great. Do you want to go somewhere with me? I mean, you totally don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I thought you were busy? You couldn’t make that cake?” Sooyoung questioned, wondering where Jinsol wanted to go at this time so early in the morning.

“I am. I’m taking a personal mental health day after seeing my ex,” Jinsol said the last part like she didn’t care if Sooyoung knew or not.

Getting caught off guard again, Sooyoung’s mouth opened into a small “o” in finally understanding who that stranger was. “Sorry you had to see her then.”

Jinsol groaned. “No, it was inevitable. Don’t worry about it, besides now I get to go to a place I haven’t been to in a long time.”

“I usually don’t agree to go anywhere alone with someone I just met without knowing where the place actually is.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like we’re strangers anymore. My daughter literally deemed you the honorary guest of this town,” Jinsol joked, but meant it. She didn’t see Sooyoung as a stranger, especially after getting to talk to her more and what she did for her.

Sooyoung chuckled. “You’re right, and no, I don’t have anything to do. My plans are flexible anyway. It’s not like I’m ever in a rush.” It’s always been how she has lived her life. She just went with the flow, letting life take her wherever it wanted to take her.

Glancing over at the clock, Jinsol started to take off her apron. “Great, the next employees should be coming in soon. I just open the store since I’m already here and want to get some things done anyway.”

“Must be nice to just roll out of bed and then come to work.”

“Yeah, it has its pros and cons. Okay, well, I’ll leave you to your coffee that you don’t even like before it gets cold now and we can go in a bit?” Jinsol started to fold her apron as she walked away.

“Sure.” Sooyoung lifted her cup up as a thanks and then took a sip. Frowning, she placed it back down.

“Chae.”

Sooyoung could hear Jinsol calling out. A moment later, she heard the small girl’s voice as she got closer. She couldn’t make out their conversation since they were closer to the kitchen, but it wasn’t like she was trying to listen in on them.

Looking up, Sooyoung saw the two walk towards her.

“Chae,” Jinsol called again from behind.

The tiny blonde ignored her mom and stopped in front of Sooyoung’s table.

“My Mom told me you two are going out somewhere and I just wanted to say that I really like you,” Chaewon randomly said and then narrowed her eyes. “But I don’t know you well and if you do anything to make my Mom upset, even a little, I swear I won’t hesitate to,” her voice was cut off, muffled by her mom’s hand.

Jinsol pulled her daughter closer to her with a hand still covering her mouth. “That’s enough, Chaewon. I’m so sorry for my daughter.”

Sooyoung didn’t look upset, if anything, she just looked stunned at the sudden warning, but not too surprised. “No, it’s fine. I understand.”

“Ew,” Jinsol shrieked, taking her hand away from her daughter. “Did you just lick me?” She exclaimed.

Chaewon only grinned in response and then looked serious again, turning her attention back to Sooyoung. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything. My Mom’s just a precious little nugget and I love her dearly.” She reached up to caress her mom’s cheek only to get her hand slapped away. “I may be short, but I’ll gnaw at your ankles if I have to.”

Sooyoung couldn’t even laugh. She wanted to show Chaewon that she meant her words. “I’ll make sure your mom is safe,” she reassured, but then her breath became shallow in an instant, making her heart pick up. “Can I use the restroom?” She asked suddenly.

“Uh, yeah,” Jinsol replied. “It’s over here.” She pointed to the back.

Sooyoung nodded in thanks and walked with wobbly legs to get out of there. It felt like forever just trying to reach the restroom. She didn’t think she’d make it, but pulling the door open and locking it shut, she let go of her breath. Shaking her head, she let out a low growl of frustration as she tried to gather her thoughts together, but everything was just jumbling in her mind. It felt like everything was on overdrive as her skin started to get sensitive to the air and it was hard to control anything she was feeling.

Crouching down, she stayed on her feet, still aware that the ground beneath was dirty, but she couldn’t stand up straight anymore. She mumbled to herself, debating on whether she should call Jungeun again or not, but decided against it since she wasn’t sure if she could contain her emotions.

She started to breathe deeply in through her nose and exhale out of her mouth like the night before. Two days in a row of having to concentrate on her breathing and she knew why it was happening. This was part of the reason why she avoided everyone. Talking to people and just being around them exhausted her. She wasn’t in the right mindset to socialize with anybody, let alone someone she doesn’t even know. But something about Jinsol and her talk with Jungeun earlier made her want to try instead of running away like she always did. She just had to pull herself together.

“Pull yourself together,” Sooyoung whispered to herself.

Standing up slowly, she found herself in front of a mirror again, but this time, her face was the last thing she was focusing on as she tried to read what was behind her through the reflection. Turning around, just above the toilet, on the wall, read “Every day is a new day”. It sounded so inspirational, but then she got closer and read the tiny words below it, “So try our daily fresh pies”.

She cracked a smile, wondering whether it was Jinsol or Chaewon’s idea to put that sign up there or if it was agreed upon by both of them. At this point, she wouldn’t put it past either of them since they seemed quite interesting.

Sooyoung exhaled loudly and then came into realization that her heart had steadied and her breathing was back to normal. Her hands still felt a bit clammy, but she was otherwise okay. She frowned at how fast she calmed down, telling herself that it was probably the distraction. Distractions were always good, but only worked when they were unintentional because it never seemed to work when she tried to think of anything else other than what flooded her mind.

She spent another minute or two in the restroom to make sure she was composed. Every time she felt that second where she’d slip back into previous emotions, she just repeated what the sign said in her head. Even if it was ridiculous, it got her thoughts to wander elsewhere and that’s where she needed it to be.

Finally feeling like she was okay enough to go out, Sooyoung hesitantly pushed the door open and entered back to the world where there was more noise than just her trying to concentrate on her breathing.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Jinsol asked, seeing the brunette approach. She was seated at a table near the door with Chaewon next to her. 

Sooyoung nodded, a bit spaced out still.

“I would come along to babysit, but my fellow soulmates beckons me to go over their place to play some video games,” Chaewon announced, getting up from the table along with Jinsol.

“This early?” The waitress questioned.

“I sent a message to our group chat this morning and Hyejoo answered. She probably didn’t even sleep yet,” Chaewon explained.

Jinsol shook her head in disapproval. “How is she gonna become a pro gamer if she doesn’t sleep? Her reaction time is going to be slowed and then practice will just be wasted, and she should be sleeping for at least 8 hours for her age.”

Chaewon patted her mom’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Mom. You know she sleeps during the day on the weekends so it’s fine. Anyways, you two have fun and stay safe. Remember to zip or button up your jackets because it’s cold out.” She got on her tiptoes to kiss her mom on the cheek. “Love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, baby,” Jinsol replied, returning with her own kiss on Chaewon’s cheek and a pat on the butt.

“Thanks for the reminder.” Sooyoung did a little wave at the girl as she pulled her collar up and zipped up her jacket.

Jinsol then led them out into the cold. The sun was out now, making it not too bad, but their hands still froze as they shoved them into their pockets.

“You’re okay with walking right?” Jinsol asked, glancing to her right.

Sooyoung nodded, adjusting her beanie before her hands went back into the warmth.

“Thanks for agreeing to come along with me.” Jinsol thought it’d be a little awkward with just the two of them out together, but she didn’t get that feeling.

“You didn’t seem to want to be alone.” Sooyoung was observant. She knew when people tried to play things off since she was a master at it, but lately, it felt as if Jinsol could tell when she was off. Most people wouldn’t give it a second thought at how she acted, but even without talking, she could tell Jinsol knew.

“No, I didn’t,” Jinsol admitted. “I shouldn’t have said anything about that woman being my ex or that she’s the reason I’m out in the cold instead of in the cafe. You probably didn’t need to know, so sorry about that. Promise I won’t talk about her while we’re out, but I just wanted to get that out.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, and it’s fine if you need someone to talk to. One of my friends once said that talking to a stranger about your life is like free therapy,” Sooyoung repeated what Jungeun had said earlier.

Jinsol made a little sound in response. “Well, your friend is smart, but we’re not strangers, remember?” She half joked.

“No, I guess we’re not, but the offer still stands.” Sooyoung wasn’t the type to want to get to know other people, not as of late anyway, but knowing that something was bothering Jinsol, bothered her too.

“You’re really sweet, you know that?”

Sooyoung almost snorted. “That’s not the first word that comes out of people’s mouths when they think of me.”

“What do they think of you then?” Jinsol was usually good at getting people to talk, but that wasn’t the case with the other woman who tried to avoid every topic.

“I don’t know.” She didn’t know, but she was sure it wasn’t something positive.

“This whole free therapy thing could be a two way thing, if you want. I swear I’m a really good listener even though I talk too much sometimes,” Jinsol suggest with a soft smile. “You’re here for how many more days? One or two? After this, what would be the chances of our paths crossing again?”

Sooyoung hadn’t even thought about it, but Jinsol reminding her that she’s just a backpacker made her realize that once she leaves this town, the blonde next to her would just be another memory. “You sound just like my friend,” she commented, not being very good with words.

“I’d like to meet your friend. Your friend sounds like an amazing person,” Jinsol praised, but she was basically complimenting herself. “But yeah, feel free to talk to me if you want, if not, I’m still enjoying my time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Sooyoung didn’t know what else to say. She thought it would be awkward silence after that, but although it was quiet, it didn’t feel that way. 

Glancing over at Jinsol, the woman still had a small smile on her face. Sooyoung didn’t understand how she could be smiling all the time when it seemed like she had her own problems to deal with too. If she could describe Jinsol in one word, it would be resilient. She knew almost nothing about this woman, but everything from her radiated that energy and she was kind of curious to know if she was right.

“Sorry to make you hike so early in the morning, but we gotta go up this little slope.” Jinsol nodded to a route that was already familiar to Sooyoung.

“It’s fine. I probably should exercise more often anyway.”

“I say that all the time, but it gets a little hard to find time around everything else I do, though it’s all about priority right?”

“Right.” Sooyoung rubbed her hands together to get warmth back into them.

“Besides, chasing Chaewon around probably burns enough calories,” Jinsol added on, jokingly. “You ever have to chase kids around?”

Sooyoung didn’t answer right away. “I have a niece who’s a little younger than your daughter. She can be a handful at times, but who isn’t?” Her mind wandered to Yeojin, thinking about how they haven’t talked in months. They have always been close, but started drifting, and now, she didn’t know how to repair their relationship.

“They are teenagers after all, so it’s understandable. Chae always means well anyway.” 

They reached the top of the hill, looking out into a view that was as bleak as Sooyoung had remembered it from the day before.

Jinsol had her hands on her hips. “I know there’s not much to see, well, there’s actually nothing at all, but it’s one of the quietest places here.”

“It’s nice.” Sooyoung took a seat next to the blonde as she sat down on a grassy patch.

“It reminds me of easier times, you know?” Jinsol didn’t know. She knew nothing about Sooyoung, but it was a question that anyone could relate to. Something must have come to mind whether they chose to talk about it or not.

“Yeah,” Sooyoung agreed. She took a glance at the other woman to no longer see a smile on her face. It was replaced by a slight frown instead. “Are you really okay though?” She hesitantly asked. “Things looked a bit heated earlier.”

Jinsol showed her smile again, but it was one of those ones that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Every now and then, my ex comes back, but she leaves eventually.”

“That’s not healthy. You and Chaewon shouldn’t have to deal with that.” Sooyoung didn’t get the obsessive nature, but then again, she didn’t understand a lot of things about why people do the things they do.

“I want to say that I’m used to it, but you’re right, it’s one thing that it involves me, but this is affecting Chaewon too.” Jinsol wasn’t much to tell others about her problems, but talking to Sooyoung felt easy. At first, she thought maybe it was the whole talking to a stranger thing that made it less burdensome, but this was different.

“Seems like she’s sticking around too,” Sooyoung added.

“There’s not much I can do. That’s what I get for dating a cop, huh?” Jinsol let out a chuckle, but it was anything but funny. “I’ve thought of moving somewhere else before, but I’ve done that already, so what’s the use in running away again? Starting new has its perks, but it also sucks.”

Sooyoung frowned at the information. No one should have to move because of someone’s obsessive behavior. Jinsol’s ex sounded like a stalker at this point and it made her feel anger rise.

Jinsol turned to Sooyoung when the other woman didn’t respond. “To tell you the truth, I’m kind of jealous of how you’re free to travel. Maybe that’s what I need, to just pack up everything and be on the move.”

“Is that still considered running away or do you really just want to travel?”

“Both?” Jinsol exhaled and leaned back with her hands gripping her folded legs so that she wouldn’t fall. “I used to travel a lot, but it got harder once Chaewon was born. I want to show her the world. There’s so much to see yet she’s cooped up in this place. I just feel sorry towards her sometimes.”

“Seems like she loves you no matter where you guys are.” No one could deny the bond Jinsol and Chaewon have for each other. Sooyoung could see it just by the way they looked at one another.

“Yeah, I know.” Jinsol let out a sigh. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Why do you travel?”

“I guess it’s the same answer as yours. A little running away and a little freedom, and,” Sooyoung stopped and frowned, “and I guess it’s just something I have to do for myself.”

Jinsol hummed in understanding. “I guess being alone is good too,” she commented on Sooyoung’s choice of travel.

“Honestly?” Sooyoung took in a breath before exhaling loudly. “If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be on this backpacking trip on my own.”

“Then why are you?”

Sooyoung shrugged. “Because, because to answer your question the night before that I avoided about what I’ve learned during my time alone,” she hesitated in completing what she wanted to say. “I learned that no matter how stuck you are in life, everyone is still moving forward. The world doesn’t stop for anyone. I’m alone because life made it this way.”

Jinsol nodded, not answering right away as she tried to process the words. “You don’t have to be. I mean, you’re not alone right now.” She smiled, referring to herself. “Traveling is also about meeting new people, learning from others. You’re never really alone if you just open up to people. You’ll be surprised by the different stories everyone has and how none of us are really all that different.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Sooyoung gave a short reply.

“We as humans complicate everything, but I’d be a hypocrite if I said that I actually follow my own advice.”

“You seem to open up to people just fine.” This was the most Sooyoung had talked to someone on her travels and that should count for something.

Jinsol shrugged. “You’re easy to talk to.”

“I’m sweet and easy to talk to,” Sooyoung repeated the things Jinsol had said. “Are you sure you’re talking about me?” She joked.

Jinsol laughed loud enough for her to see her own breath. “You give yourself too little credit. Also, I don’t know if it means anything to you, but Chae doesn’t like many people, but she likes you, so think more positively about yourself.”

“Thanks.” It did mean something to her that the woman next to her and her daughter actually liked her presence. It’s been so long since she felt like someone was nice to her because of her personality rather than out of pity. “Sorry that my responses aren’t too good sometimes.”

“Now I should be the one reminding you that you don’t have to say sorry all the time. You don’t need to apologize for who you are. And you’re fine. You can talk as little or as much as you want, while I on the other hand, could probably learn to talk less.”

“You’re just contradicting yourself now. If you want to talk, then talk. It’s who you are,” Sooyoung countered back the same thing Jinsol just said. “You’re not bothering me if that’s what you’re worried about. Like I said, I don’t do things I don’t want to do, and I’m here with you right?”

Jinsol gave her a genuine smile this time. “You’re really something else.”

Sooyoung gave her a confused look.

“I just mean that it’s really refreshing to talk to someone who’s actually present, you know? I could be talking to someone else face to face, but it’ll feel like we’re miles apart. No one cares about what anyone else has to say these days.” Jinsol turned her attention back to the empty view. “I know we’ve only started talking yesterday, but I think I’m going to miss you when you’re gone,” she admitted.

“I’m sure there will be other backpackers who will stop by your cafe.” The truth was that Sooyoung thinks she’d miss Jinsol too. The woman got her to talk when she thought she couldn’t, but also knew when to back down when Sooyoung wasn’t up for talking. It was rare for someone to just accept her the way she was instead of giving advice on trying to change her.

“Every backpacker has a different story, but somehow, it’s all the same anyways. But you, you haven’t even told me about any places you’ve been to or anything you’ve done or what you’re planning on doing next.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard enough stories about the Golden Gate Bridge in SF not actually being gold in color or how giant the Gundam statue in Tokyo is.”

Jinsol perked up at the mention of the last part. “You’ve seen the Gundam statue? Did you go to the Gundam Base Tokyo store?”

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow at how interested Jinsol seemed. “I only briefly saw the statue, so no, I didn’t go in the store.”

Jinsol slumped her shoulders a little. “I’ve been working on building a new Gundam, but haven’t gotten around to finishing it since I’ve been so busy lately.” She looked at Sooyoung when the woman didn’t say anything. “Some people take walks when they’re stressed. I build Gundams.”

The more Jinsol talked, the more interesting she got to Sooyoung. “I dance, or I used to anyway.”

“Yeah?” Jinsol tried to picture the woman in the beanie and thick jacket dancing with the little emotions Sooyoung has shown her and found it was a bit difficult.

“Yeah, but I haven’t danced in a long time.” She found other ways to deal with her stress or maybe it was the opposite and she just found it hard to cope altogether.

“You said you’re staying for a few more days right?” Jinsol asked to confirm.

Sooyoung nodded. “I can stay for as little or as long as I want.”

“What kind of dancing do you like?”

“Hip hop,” Sooyoung answered.

Jinsol tilted her head. “I try not to assume things, but it’s kind of impossible, but I didn’t imagine that to be the answer.”

“What did you think the answer was going to be?”

Jinsol thought for a second. “Ballet.”

Sooyoung couldn’t help the small laugh that came out. “I get that a lot for some reason.”

“You just look elegant, not that I’m saying hip hop isn’t elegant, but,” Jinsol stopped talking, not sure where she was going with what she was saying. “But yeah, um, there’s actually this school talent show that’s coming up next week. If you want, if you’re still here, it’s pretty cool and Chaewon and her friends are actually performing a dance.”

“How many activities does your daughter participate in?” Sooyoung noticed Jinsol and Chaewon’s habit of using the word “cool” to describe things.

“Well, you know there’s not much to do here, so she has to keep busy somehow. Plus, I think she just likes being on stage. But she hasn’t been too confident in her dancing lately. I don’t know why,” Jinsol’s voice got quieter at the end.

“It sounds fun.”

“Does that mean you want to come?” Jinsol asked hopefully.

“Yeah. I haven’t gone to anything dance related in awhile.” Sooyoung had been avoiding dance like how she was avoiding everything else.

“I think Chaewon will be happy to hear. Like her band, she just loves when new people get to see what she’s all about,” Jinsol said excitedly. “She kept raving about how cool it was to get feedback from you the other night since you’re a fellow musician.”

“I’m pretty sure the only feedback I gave her was that her band was great. I think I could have said a few more words.” And now Sooyoung wish she really did say more knowing how happy Chaewon was about her coming to the show. “And I wouldn’t call myself a musician.”

“But your guitar?” Jinsol questioned in confusion.

“I mean, I play a little, but it’s nothing great.”

“Blink 182 has some easy guitar work yet they’re legendary.”

Sooyoung chuckled. “Isn’t that a bit much to compare my potential with Blink 182?”

“I’m just saying you don’t need to make complicated riffs to make great music,” Jinsol explained, but then held onto her stomach as she heard it rumble. “I think my tummy is upset with me that I haven’t fed it yet,” she announced.

“Do you want to grab food?” Sooyoung asked, getting up and dusting off her pants. She had wanted to take the other woman out anyway to repay her for everything.

Jinsol looked up. “Sure.”

Sooyoung held a hand out as Jinsol took it and was helped up to her feet. “You’re going to have to recommend a place though because I don’t know anything here.”

“There’s this cute spot brunch spot where all the kids go to these days to take pictures of their food to post on social media. I’m hoping they’re all still asleep on this weekend, so it’ll be a bit quieter though,” Jinsol suggested as they made their way down the hill.

“I’m fine with anything.”

They talked the most way there about anything that just popped into their minds. And with the little moments of silence in between, they started to appreciate how comfortable they felt with each other. It was like they were never strangers to begin with.

Sooyoung felt a dull ache in her heart. She wasn’t one to think too far ahead into the future, but she was still conflicted on everything that was happening. At one end, she wanted to make use of her time here to talk and get to know Jinsol, but on the other hand, she still had so many places to travel to. She would have to leave this town because she already made a promise to herself to finish her backpacking trip. She had nothing to prove, but she felt like she did.


	3. NO SUN

Just passing through the town turned into staying the weekend and before Sooyoung knew it, the 5th day came rolling on by. She went back to the record store and up the hill and to places here and there, but always ended back up at the cafe for at least one meal a day. Some days, Jinsol was there, other days, she was elsewhere, but either way, it was a comforting spot that reminded her a little of home.

“Hey, sorry, I’m a bit late. Chae was getting nervous about the talent show and wanted to get dropped off at her friend’s early,” Jinsol greeted Sooyoung by her usual corner table as she entered her own cafe.

“It’s okay,” Sooyoung replied, closing up her notebook that she was just writing in. “You could have just called. I wouldn’t have minded coming along.”

Jinsol waved her off. “It’s fine. I was out running some errands anyway.” She then pointed to Sooyoung’s coffee cup that was on the table. “You want a refill?”

The brunette shook her head. “Handong already asked me earlier, but thanks.”

“You’re already on a first name basis with my employees?” Jinsol asked with a grin.

“She gave me free pie on the Sunday when you weren’t here.”

“Ah,” the blonde let out and then scrunched her face in thought. “It was pecan pie right? Pecans are good for you. They’re heart healthy and have anti-aging benefits,” she pointed out.

“Are you saying I’m old?” Sooyoung joked with a raised eyebrow.

Jinsol laughed, making hair fall in front of her face before she brushed it to the side. “Well, we can’t get any younger, so anti-aging anything is good for us.” She saw the other woman finish packing up. “You ready to go?”

Sooyoung nodded, taking a last sip of black coffee with a frown before standing up.

“Are you sure coffee’s for you? We have a selection of teas too if you’re more into that,” Jinsol suggested, half teasing.

“Coffee reminds me of home,” Sooyoung simply said with a shrug.

“Ah,” Jinsol breathed out again. “Sorry about me joking about it then.” She began walking out of the cafe as Sooyoung followed.

“No, it’s fine. It’s my fault for not explaining when you ask about things.”

“It’s your choice on whether you want to tell me anything.” Jinsol was a patient person. She didn’t mind talking more while Sooyoung just listened, but the other woman had been saying more recently.

“Honestly? I just don’t talk to many people, so I’m a bit cautious, but this whole miscommunication thing isn’t how I want things to be with us.” Sooyoung shoved her hands in her pockets. “You have a car?” She asked as they stopped in front of an old beat up vehicle.

Jinsol stopped at the driver’s side and smiled before opening the door and getting in. “Of course I have a car. I just rarely use it since it’s a gas guzzler.” She then put on her seatbelt, started the car, and then looked at the brunette who was already seated. “So does this mean that we’re friends?”

“I thought you said we already weren’t strangers?” Sooyoung asked, a bit amused by the sudden question.

“Yeah, but we weren’t exactly friends either right? You can’t just become friends with anyone these days you know?” She started turned on the heat and started driving.

“Are there requirements or tests to level up from strangers to friends?” Sooyoung was curious to know the blonde’s thought process on the matter.

Jinsol drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “Well, for one, we both have been taking time out of our days to hang out. Two, you’re actually pretty funny and I like talking to you.” She then glanced at the other woman and then shrugged. “And three, Chaewon told me that you spent time looking up and writing down songs you think she’d like when she was working here the other day.”

Sooyoung slightly blushed at the last comment. “It was really nothing. She just asked me what type of music I liked and I couldn’t really just say a genre that would explain it,” she replied with a little embarrassed laugh. “And technically, you said four reasons. I’m funny and you liking to talk to me are two different things.”

“So you admit that you’re funny.” Jinsol brought up.

Sooyoung did think she was funny. Making people laugh was one of her favorite things to do, but over time, she felt that bit of her disappeared. “That’s the one you point out? You rather not ask me if I like talking to you too?”

Jinsol laughed lightheartedly, but she did hope that Sooyoung liked her presence as well. “Just say if we’re friends or not and that’ll answer the question.”

The brunette leaned her head back on her seat. “I haven’t made a new friend in ages. And I’ll answer it anyways. I do like talking to you or just listening to you, so yeah, I consider you a friend,” she said honestly. Sooyoung was careful around others and didn’t go out of her way to get to know people, but Jinsol was someone who made her comfortable first and always seemed genuine in everything she said.

“Well, I’m glad.” Jinsol grinned brightly, not even trying to hide how happy she was. “So you’re actually going to call me when you continue on your backpacking journey? You’re not just going to forget about me and my awesome pies right?” She asked with excitement in her tone. “We can be like penpals, but like, call pals, oh, or text pals.” Her eyebrows danced along with her mood.

Sooyoung slightly frowned at the mention of leaving. Again, she wasn’t much of a person to think of the future as she just tried to live one day at a time, and haven’t given it much thought. “You sure you won’t get bored of me?”

“Oh please, it’s not like I talk to many people for this long,” Jinsol revealed.

The brunette raised an eyebrow out of slight surprise, thinking that the other woman was just friendly to everyone. “I guess assuming things is really impossible when people are unpredictable.”

Jinsol glanced at Sooyoung again. “What? You think I’m this talkative all the time?”

“It’s not that.”

“I didn’t mean talkative as a negative thing,” Jinsol didn’t want Sooyoung to think that she had offended her. “I do talk a lot, but surface level conversations doesn’t mean much right?”

Sooyoung blinked at the reply, not answering right away. “I guess you’re right.” Even if a person talked to a bunch of people, it didn’t mean every single person was a friend. “And I think keeping in touch sounds nice.” She did think it was a good idea, but she also knew that they could also drift apart after a while, and keeping that in mind made her think that it wouldn’t hurt as much when that time actually came. Keeping everyone at arm's length was how Sooyoung liked to keep everybody.

Jinsol quickly found parking at the school and stopped the car. “I thought the lot would be full by now, but I guess we’re on time.” She then got out as Sooyoung followed her towards the theatre. 

The brunette looked around the high school, remembering back to when she was still a student. Sooyoung excelled in her classes, not because she was naturally book smart, but because she worked hard for it, knowing that she had to go behind her mother’s back to take dance classes at another academy. Parents were parents and hers were no different. Her mom wanted her to focus on academics rather than spending time with arts, but Sooyoung knew that she wouldn’t be happy until she lived her life the way she wanted.

“Reminds you of old times, huh?” Jinsol asked as she saw how lost in thought the other woman was.

“Yeah.” Sooyoung nodded. “It reminds me of how much of a troublemaker I was.”

“Well, we were all teens once,” Jinsol pointed out. “Actually, I kind of always followed the rules and was on in the mathlete club. Maybe I should have rebelled more. I’d have more stories to tell.”

“It’s not like I did anything bad or got sent to the principal’s office. I just meant that I gave my parents a lot of trouble is all,” she clarified. “And well, there was a time I got sent to the principal’s office,” Sooyoung mumbled.

“I think as kids, we’re supposed to give our parents trouble. It’s how we all learn.” Jinsol opened the theatre door for Sooyoung to walk in first. “And I actually got sent to the principal’s office once too,” she admitted as memories she hasn’t thought about in a long time hit her.

Sooyoung quirked an eyebrow. “What’d you do?”

Jinsol laughed, giving the two tickets to the person inside the small lobby, and then made their way in. “There was this girl that bullied me because she thought I liked her boyfriend, but he was literally failing science and the only nerd he knew was me. The guy was nice, so I tutored him. The girlfriend? Not so nice. She tried shoving me into a locker but I accidentally broke her finger instead when it got caught in my backpack strap and I yanked it.” She found two seats for them in the middle and sat down. “I can’t believe I got suspended for that with the stupid zero tolerance fighting policy.”

Sooyoung smiled at the story as she imagined it. “I got suspended with the same policy. This girl was giving my friend who was the class president a hard time, so I decided to fill a bucket full of water to drop on her, but it didn’t work out like in the cartoons. The bucket fell and hit her in the head instead and then the water just splashed everywhere else,” she said with a small laugh.

Jinsol let out a laugh of her own. “Out of all revenge, you decided on that one?”

“I thought it was such a harmless one since I didn’t actually want to hurt anybody, ended up giving the girl a giant bruise on the head anyway, so I guess I kind of deserved the suspension.” She would have done it again if it meant getting annoying kids off of her friend’s back.

Shaking her head slightly, Jinsol couldn’t help but become more intrigued at the little information Sooyoung let her in on about who she was as a person. As cold as the other woman looked on the outside, she didn’t seem to have a mean bone in her. “I’m glad those terrible days are over. The way Chaewon describes her school life, it stresses me out knowing she’s not liking it here, but that’s normal right? Because I hated high school too.”

Sooyoung cleared her throat, rubbing her hands onto her legs and resting them onto her knees. “I don’t know. I guess high school could be the worst or best time of your life.”

Jinsol sighed. “I’m just glad she has good friends though. The sisters, Hyunjin and Hyejoo, they’ve known each other since they were kids. Chaewon seems tough, but she’s actually really soft. I know they take care of each other, so I try not to worry too much,” she spilled what was on her mind.

“We all have to adapt somehow. We’re forever changing. Sometimes it sucks, but we have to do the things we do in order to survive.” Sooyoung believed in the things she said, but lately, she felt like she was so caught in place in the way she was, that everyone else around her kept growing while she was stuck on standby.

“That sounds cruel on its own, but you’re right. Life is what we make of it even through harsh circumstances.” Jinsol sighed again, thinking about the things she knows what her daughter has gone through and all the other things Chaewon doesn’t talk to her about. No matter how close they were, she knew that everyone kept secrets.

“Life really hasn’t been easy for anybody, huh?” Sooyoung asked, knowing that everybody had their own struggles even if they didn’t show it.

Jinsol frowned as memories flashed through her head to times when she was at her lowest. “But we made it didn’t we?”

Sooyoung wouldn’t consider how she was living as making it. She sometimes felt like an empty shell in a body that was getting tired of holding herself up, so she only hummed in response.

The theatre lights started to dim as they finally took notice of how filled the place was now. Two students walked out shortly to enter the stage as the MCs and began the show.

Sooyoung wasn’t paying much attention to what they were saying. She was too busy remembering her time in high school and events where she herself was on stage. Performing has always been a big thing to her since she was little, but strayed from it when life took her in a different direction.

“I’m getting nervous,” Jinsol whispered out.

“Chaewon will do fine,” Sooyoung reassured although she didn’t know much about the small blonde and how she was like on stage.

She could imagine how Jinsol was probably more nervous than her daughter. It was always like that. Parents always worried more than they needed to, but that just comes with the role.

The first performers came out to hype up the crowd with their breakdancing routine. It seemed to work with Jinsol cheering, slightly distracting her from being anxious. Sooyoung smiled at the excited woman, feeling her own energy rising with the performance.

Several more acts did their thing as the world disappeared and Sooyoung felt herself enjoying the moment. It’s been a long time since she has experienced something like this. Even if she wasn’t on the stage, just seeing the students perform with such passion reminded her of how much she would still like to dance although she had given up on it so long ago.

At the thought of the bitter reality, Sooyoung felt her hands go clammy again and rubbed them on her legs. It’s been so hard to keep her emotions in check lately that she was surprised with herself for even agreeing to be out in public with so many people around. She was used to hiding out, not showing anybody the vulnerable sides of her.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Sooyoung snapped her head to the left to see Jinsol’s concerned face. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She finally noticed the blonde’s eyes trailed down onto her hands that were now clasped together so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Quickly letting go, Sooyoung shot her a small smile.

Jinsol didn’t seem convinced, but chose not to say anything else.

Turning her attention back up the stage, the MCs came out again to announce the next act.

“Chaewon is next,” Jinsol informed, shifting in her seat out of excitement.

The lights turned off again as Sooyoung tried to adjust her eyes at the figures that got into position on stage, but she still couldn’t make out who was who.

Soon after, the music started and the lights came on slowly. Spotting the blonde was easy since she was the only one that didn’t have dark hair. Seeing her dance was a lot different than seeing her playing bass and singing. She seemed a lot more focused on this stage since her team had to move in sync. Sooyoung could tell the girl was nervous, but she didn’t miss a step as she kept on dancing.

Glancing to her left again, she could see how proud Jinsol looked with how wide her smile was. 

In that instant, Sooyoung frowned as different emotions surfaced and she started to miss home. Watching Chaewon now reminded her of a phone call from months ago. Her other friend, Haseul, who she has known since high school had rang her one day. They talked about a bunch of stuff and finally ended with how Yeojin had quit drama club.

Yeojin loved the stage as much as she did. Sooyoung came to watch every performance, but that stopped once she started her backpacking trip. She still called though, listening to her niece talk about the different plays she was in. After some time, those calls stopped and she just figured that the drama club was in preparation of other things.

Haseul sounded tired that day she called. Sooyoung could tell, but didn’t want to point it out since everyone has just been off. She thought that life at home would have become easier with her gone, but that didn’t seem like the case whenever she got a call from her friends who she considered family.

“I thought Yeojin was doing better, but she has been closing herself off more.”

She remembered Haseul saying.

“I don’t know what to do, Sooyoung.” There was desperation in her friend’s voice that Sooyoung had wanted to quit her trip and go home right then and there.

“I can come back,” she suggested without thinking. Truth was, she didn’t know if it’d make a difference, but hearing about her family struggling made her feel guilty that she wasn’t there for them.

“No,” Haseul said with a sigh. “As much as I want you back, I know that this is something you have to do. We’re doing the best we can for Yeojin although it has been difficult. And it won’t do any good if you come back, but your heart and mind isn’t here.” They’d always tell her that. They always tried to ease that guilt Sooyoung always felt, but never talked about.

She remembered feeling conflicted. She wasn’t far into her trip when she got the call about Yeojin quitting something she was so passionate about. She could have just gone back home, but instead, she moved on to her next destination. Till this day, Sooyoung still can’t decide on whether she regrets her decision or not.

Would things be different if she had just gone back home? Her friends would worry less and she’d be there to talk to Yeojin like she always did. When her niece couldn’t talk to her parents about certain things, Sooyoung was there as another adult to help her figure things out. But with her gone, Sooyoung wondered if her absence made Yeojin feel as if she was leaving her behind.

“Chaewon did so well,” Jinsol gushed over her daughter as the performance ended.

Sooyoung nodded in agreement. “Can’t believe her friends lifted her up like that,” she mentioned Hyejoo and Hyunjin.

“When you’re the smallest kid, you get volunteered for that type of stuff,” Jinsol explained. “Chae doesn’t mind though. She thinks it’s like going on a roller coaster.” She laughed, thinking about what her daughter had told her in one of their late night talks. “I don’t think I can sit still. Wanna go see where Chae is and bother her?” She was already halfway off the seat before she finished her sentence.

Sooyoung smiled at the last part. The mother daughter duo seemed to love annoying each other. “Yeah, sure,” she answered, getting up to follow Jinsol out.

They exited where they came from and started to go towards the back, through a narrow path. It had gotten dark, but they were able to make out where they were going with the lights from the front of the building shining in a bit.

“So you invited her instead of me to watch Chaewon’s dance?”

They stopped in their tracks, hearing another voice up ahead.

“What do you want?” Jinsol growled out, already recognizing the newcomer.

Sooyoung squinted her eyes, trying to make out the shadowy figure.

“You didn’t tell me that you found yourself another girlfriend.” The person in the shadows ignored Jinsol’s question and stepped out to reveal the tall ash brown haired woman from before. “I thought we were working on things.” She clicked her teeth in annoyance.

Jinsol took a step back, making Sooyoung automatically step forward and in front of the blonde.

“Working on what, Yoohyeon? Stop being so delusional and she’s just a friend,” Jinsol spat out, feeling angry that her ex was on her daughter’s school campus.

The other woman scoffed and started to approach them.

Lifting her arms up, Sooyoung tried to keep distance between them. “Hey, Jinsol obviously doesn’t want to talk to you, so could you please just leave?” She didn’t know what else to say, but she could feel Jinsol slightly shaking behind her. When the taller woman didn’t say anything, she spoke again. “Look, I don’t want any trouble okay?”

Yoohyeon ignored her, trying to reach out as she got closer, but Jinsol stepped up again and pushed the grabbing hands aside.

“What the hell is your problem?” Jinsol shouted with anger as her legs wobbled..

“She’s my problem,” Yoohyeon yelled back, finger pointing at Sooyoung.

The brunette didn’t know what she had done wrong, but from what she has seen so far of Jinsol’s ex, being rational didn’t seem to be a trait that she had.

“You haven’t been in my life for a long time now, Yoohyeon, and you have no right being at Chaewon’s school right now,” Jinsol spoke while trying to keep her voice steady.

The taller woman scoffed, reaching out again when Sooyoung pulled Jinsol back by the wrist. It only made the woman angrier as she saw the punch coming, but didn’t move out of the way, feeling like it would just be better to take it than fight back. Her face stung as the metallic taste entered her mouth from her teeth cutting the inside of her cheek.

Stumbling back, she almost fell when the front of her shirt was yanked forward instead. Sooyoung waited for more pain, but it never came. She didn’t know what was going on as multiple voices were heard around her, but she couldn’t make out any of the words. All she knew was that physical pain didn’t hurt as much as the emotional ones that were bombarding her mind at the moment. She wanted to stop feeling, but everything became too much.

Feeling someone’s touch on her, Sooyoung pulled away, crawling on hands and knees to get to safety.

“Sooyoung.”

She heard her name being called.

“Sooyoung.”

The voice repeated with more desperation than the last.

Just as fast as she felt herself going into panic, feeling herself disconnected with reality, her mind brought her back to the school. She realized she was on the ground with Jinsol kneeling a few feet away from her.

“Hey, you’re okay,” came Jinsol’s soft voice. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Sooyoung.” The blonde got a little closer. “Yoohyeon’s gone now. Some faculty members came and she left.”

Sooyoung blinked, half understand what Jinsol was saying as she tried to stop the ringing in her ears. She tried to speak, but no words came out. The pain on the side of her face came back as she raised her hand up to it, but was stopped by the blonde.

“Don’t touch it. Your lip is bleeding,” Jinsol told her with worry in her eyes. “We can leave first. I’ll text Chae to catch a ride with her friends.”

She hesitantly rubbed Sooyoung’s arm to try to comfort her, but the brunette pulled away again, letting out a whimpering sound. Jinsol frowned, feeling her heart break at the condition her new friend was in, knowing she was the cause of it.

“Sooyoung,” Jinsol tried again. “It’s just me,” she whispered out. “You’re safe. You’re okay. I’m okay.”

The reassurance seemed to snap Sooyoung out of her trance when she finally made eye contact with the other woman. “You’re okay?” She managed to let out.

The blonde nodded and stood up. “Can I help you up?” She asked with a hand out, not wanting to touch her again until the woman was ready.

Sooyoung slowly nodded in return and hesitantly took Jinsol’s hand. She stood on shaky legs, not sure if she could even move them, but with their hands still together, Jinsol led them to the closest restroom to take care of Sooyoung’s bleeding lip. Pushing the door open, Jinsol exhaled loudly and grabbed a bunch of paper towels before standing in front of Sooyoung.

The blonde gently dabbed at the blood as Sooyoung winced. “Sorry,” she muttered. Letting out a sigh, she tried to get the brunette to look at her, but her gaze was elsewhere. “I wish you would have just let me deal with her,” she said softly.

Sooyoung finally looked up. “And what? Let her lay a hand on you?” She found her voice again, but it was hoarse and her throat felt dry.

Jinsol shook her head and tossed the paper towel away to grab some more. “Keep this to your lip. We should head back to my place and put some ice on your face.” She then placed a hand under Sooyoung’s chin to tilt her face up to get a better look. “I’m really sorry about what happened,” she apologized again.

Sooyoung reached up to pull Jinsol’s hand away. “It’s not like you have any control over what that woman does.” She also wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing. Backing down when someone was in harms way wasn’t how she operated.

“Yeah, but she’s my business and you shouldn’t have to pay for something that you’re not even involved with.”

“Look, it’s really fine. I can take a punch for you. It’s not a big deal,” Sooyoung tried to reassure as she felt bad that Jinsol was feeling guilty for something she couldn’t predict.

“You didn’t sound so okay back there,” Jinsol murmured while fidgeting with her fingers.

Sooyoung avoided her gaze and tugged at Jinsol’s arm to get out of the school’s restroom. They walked in silence to the parking lot as the wind started to pick up. Getting into the vehicle, Jinsol turned on the heat after starting the car.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jinsol asked as she started driving off. “I was calling your name for some time back there, but you wouldn’t respond to me. Some of the staff was there too, wanting to call the cops, but you,” Jinsol paused before continuing, “it didn’t seem like you wanted anyone around, so I told them that it was okay for them to leave.”

Sooyoung felt her heart rate pick up at the information. She doesn’t even recall seeing anyone around during the whole incident. She felt like her mind and body were elsewhere while everything was happening. “I’m— I’m okay. Must have just been in shock or something,” she tried to brush it off, but they both knew it was more than that.

“What am I supposed to do,” Jinsol muttered under her breath without realizing she had said it out loud.

“Has she hurt you before?” The question left Sooyoung’s mouth before she could stop herself.

Jinsol gave a quick glance to the brunette. “What? Why would you ask that?” She snapped defensively.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything,” Sooyoung mumbled, finding herself scooting farther away out of instinct, but started to relax just a second later when she reminded herself that she was just with Jinsol.

Everything about the way Jinsol talked and moved while she was in the presence of her ex made it seem like the blonde was somewhat scared. She didn’t want to assume anything, but Yoohyeon’s aggressive nature raised red flags.

Jinsol sighed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know you’re just worried, but it’s fine. She’ll leave eventually, again.”

“Sounds like a dangerous cycle that keeps happening.” Sooyoung hoped she wasn’t crossing the line by pointing that out.

“I don’t plan on living in this town forever,” Jinsol confessed. “This has always been a temporary stay that lasted way longer than it should have.” 

Money was getting harder to make, so moving to a small town allowed her to save more, but she got too comfortable and Chaewon was doing good. The moment she let her guard down and stopped watching over her shoulders was when Yoohyeon came back into her life. At first, she wanted to pack her bags and run, but then she thought she could handle it. She thought maybe if she stood her ground and stopped being afraid that her ex would back off. Yoohyeon showing up again after some time just frustrated her that no matter how hard she tried, toxic people that didn’t understand the concept of them being toxic would never change.

“Where do you plan on going?” Sooyoung asked, taking the paper towel off her lip seeing that it had stopped bleeding.

Jinsol shrugged. “I grew up in a big city. Chae lived there when she was younger, but then we came here. The quiet is nice, but we’re not meant to be here.” She pulled up to the cafe, parking in the same spot as before. “Chae has too much passion and talent to stay in this place where there’s no opportunities. She deserves better.”

Sooyoung understood. She grew up in the countryside, but moved to a bigger city to pursue her dreams too. “What about you?”

The blonde got out of the car as Sooyoung followed her into the cafe. “What about me?”

“What do you want to do?”

They walked passed the tables and counter, making Sooyoung stop as they got to the back where there were stairs.

“Are you sure this is okay with Chaewon?” Sooyoung asked, knowing the younger blonde didn’t like the idea of her entering their home.

“You took a punch for me. I think you passed her test of stranger danger.” Jinsol started walking up the steps. “And me? I’m happy as long as Chae’s happy.”

Sooyoung hesitantly followed behind. She wanted to tell Jinsol that her own happiness mattered too, but she understood what it felt like to want to do whatever it took for her own loved ones to be happy too.

“You can sit down on the couch.” Jinsol pointed as they entered the house above the cafe. “I’ll be right back.” She walked off, leaving Sooyoung alone in the living room area.

She took a seat, taking off her jacket and placing her phone down on the coffee table. Rubbing her hands onto her legs, she tried to focus on that sensation to get her mind out of places it wanted to wander off to.

The place was small, but cozy. There were multiple pictures framed up of Jinsol and Chaewon, of their friends and other people she didn’t recognize. While many people would pick nice pictures to display, a lot of the ones she saw was of them doing funny faces or in silly poses. 

“Chaewon says I look the prettiest when I’m making ugly faces,” Jinsol’s voice interrupted her thoughts as she came back. “Sometimes I can't tell if she’s just making fun of me or not.”

“You look happy,” Sooyoung commented, thanking the blonde as she was handed an ice pack and towel.

“Keep it up to your face for 15 minutes and then rest for 15, then repeat,” Jinsol instructed, taking a seat next to her. “Are you hungry? We can order something.”

Sooyoung wasn’t hungry, but she knew Jinsol was by the way she heard the blonde’s stomach growl earlier. “Yeah, I could use some food.”

“What about comfort food? Some black bean noodles and sweet and sour pork?”

“Sounds good.”

“I just love that you can just order on your phone these days. Definitely beats having to talk on the phone and stumbling over my words. Sometimes I just starve because I don’t want to call. Having to talk to someone you don’t know kinda sucks,” Jinsol rambled a bit, not sure if it was just her habit or it was out of nervousness this time.

Sooyoung nodded in agreement, not liking to speak on the phone either. “Can I use your restroom?” She asked, wanting to check the damage on her face and hiding out in restrooms was her thing to gather herself together.

“Yeah, sure. It’s over there to the right.” Jinsol pointed as she fumbled with her phone to order food.

Thanking her, Sooyoung made her way over. She went in, staring at herself in the mirror. The bruise on her cheek wasn’t too bad yet, but her split lip was swelling up. Turning on the sink, she rinsed out her mouth and winced as the water touched the cuts inside of her cheek. There was a little blood that came out, but nothing too worrying as she repeated the process.

Looking at herself again, she could hear Jungeun’s voice in her head, scolding her for not being careful. But she was careful. She was always careful, but it didn’t matter when other people had different plans. Her face was like a magnet for fists, yet she didn’t mind if it was taking a hit for someone she cared about.

She cared about Jinsol.

For the first time in a long time, she cared for someone other than the people she had back home. It was a new, but familiar feeling. 

It scared her.

Sooyoung gripped the edge of the sink and concentrated on her breathing. She thought about Jungeun again and started to replay moments they shared, trying to distract herself, but then those moments went to places she had been trying to push to the back of her mind. Shaking her head, she decided to just count backwards from 10 instead.

Taking in a deep breath, she went back out into the living room to see Jinsol’s attention on the table. At first, she wasn’t sure what she was looking at until she got closer. The other woman didn’t even notice her coming back.

“The blonde with the open mouth laugh is the friend I kept bringing up when we were walking to the hill,” Sooyoung spoke softly, not confident that her voice wouldn’t shake.

Jinsol jolted in her seat, eyes meeting the brunette. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to look at your phone. It’s just that a message popped up and,” her voice trailed, not sure if she should keep talking. “I didn’t read anything. The phone lighting up just caught my attention.”

“It’s fine.” Sooyoung sat back down next to Jinsol. “The lock screen picture is old. My friend, Jungeun, she’s not even blonde anymore. She went back to her natural hair color,” she explained. Picking up her phone, she pressed the button the side to turn it on again. She then pointed to a short haired woman. “That’s Haseul. We’ve been friends since entering high school. She’s the class president I was talking about.” Pausing, she took in a breath before continuing. “The kid between the two is their daughter, my niece, Yeojin.” She thought talking about her family out loud would cause her to go into a state of panic again, but surprisingly, it felt like the opposite was happening.

“She’s cute,” Jinsol commented, taking her time to examine each person as Sooyoung introduced them.

Sooyoung let out a small laugh. She wasn’t planning on telling Jinsol much about her life, but pushing that part of her to the back didn’t feel right to her either. “She is, but she’s also the loudest kid I know. I swear I have some hearing loss because of her and,” she paused again. She wasn’t ready, but when will she ever be? “Because of Yeojin and my wife, Jiwoo.” She pointed at another woman who was leaning against her in the picture. “The dorky smiling woman with bangs was my wife.” She let out a bitter laugh this time as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Was?” Jinsol was trying to be careful with what she said, but she knew that nothing that came out of her mouth would make things better.

“Yeah,” Sooyoung exhaled shakily. “She passed away a few years ago.” She hasn’t said those words out loud in ages. She thought she’d break if she spoke about her wife, but it wasn’t the case as she watched Jinsol’s face drop instead. Instead of the pity she thought she’d see, all she saw was empathy in warm eyes.

Jinsol held her breath at what she just learned. “I’m sorry.”

The brunette shook her head. “There’s no need for sorries.”

There was another person in the picture that Sooyoung hadn’t mentioned yet and Jinsol was afraid to ask. 

“If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be on this backpacking trip alone. I wasn’t alone,” Sooyoung began. “I started this ages ago, backpacking every summer with my family because that was the time my daughter didn’t have school. We never got to finish going to the places she had planned out though.”

Jinsol blinked as she felt tears involuntarily well up. There was a little girl in the picture that was in Sooyoung’s embrace with the taller woman’s chin resting on her daughter’s head. They were both grinning widely. It was the brightest Jinsol has seen her, never actually seeing Sooyoung smile like that before.

Sooyoung cleared her throat, feeling her hands start to get clammy again. “Yerim would have been 15 this year.”

“That’s a year younger than Chaewon,” Jinsol said under her breath, not being able to imagine the pain Sooyoung had been through and the ongoing battle she’s facing.

“Yeah,” Sooyoung’s voice was quiet as she stared at the picture on her phone. She couldn’t say anymore, knowing she might just break down if she did.

“Can I hug you?” Jinsol asked, suddenly feeling the need to be close to the woman next to her.

Sooyoung smiled a sad smile and nodded.

Jinsol carefully pulled the slightly taller woman towards her as she felt tears falling down her face. She couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry. I’m making your sweater wet,” she muttered and tried not to sob out loud.

Sooyoung separated them a little away from each other in alarm. “Why are you crying?” She reached out to wipe away the blonde’s tears.

“Because you’re my friend and I’m glad you’re opening up to me to tell me about yourself, but,” Jinsol failed at holding in her sob as she cried harder. “You’re just so sweet and, and, I don’t know.” She buried her head back into Sooyoung’s neck, not being able to find the right words to say.

Rubbing the blonde’s back, Sooyoung tried to calm her down. She had thought that she would be the one crying after talking about her family, but seeing Jinsol like this made her want to take care of the woman.

“I haven’t talked about them in a long time,” Sooyoung confessed, running small circles on Jinsol’s back. “Thank you for being patient and listening to me.” Most people would just ask question after question, not knowing when to stop, but the blonde let her open up at her own pace and she was thankful for that.

Jinsol’s cries turned to sniffles as she tried to gather her emotions together. “Your friend, Jungeun, was right. It’s a lot easier to talk to someone who knows nothing about you isn’t it?”

Sooyoung smiled at the mention of her friend.

Jungeun was always right. Without her, she wouldn’t know how her life would end up like. Jungeun wasn’t only her best friend, but she was Jiwoo’s best friend and Haseul’s too. She was always there when people needed her that sometimes Sooyoung wondered if she had done enough to be there for her friend as well.

“I wouldn’t say you know nothing,” Sooyoung started. “I haven’t even known you for a full week, yet I think you understand me more than people I’ve known for years.”

Jinsol stared at the woman next to her for a moment, just studying her. “I feel like I’ve known you for years, but I guess it’s just because we were supposed to cross paths.”

Sooyoung looked up confused. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I believe in fate or if everything happens for a reason, but,” Jinsol stopped mid sentence and shook her head. “I wasn’t doing so good too, you know.” She shrugged as she leaned back on the couch.

It was Sooyoung’s turn to stay silent, waiting for when the other woman was ready to talk.

“Even if you leave now, the things you’ve done for me in the past few days is enough to get me out of the headspace I was in.” Jinsol kept her gaze at the wall. “I always try to find the good in people, but lately, all I saw was their potential to hurt me,” she confessed with a shaky voice. “I guess Yoohyeon did a number on me.” She sniffled again and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

“I don’t know when I’ll leave or how long I’m staying, but I will be here a little longer if you don’t mind.”

Jinsol finally looked over. “Who am I to stop you?”

“I just don’t want to seem like a creep that’s hanging around.”

The blonde let out a laugh, forgetting that she was just tearing up. “I’m pretty sure we’ve already established that we’re friends, so you can’t be a creep.”

“Then you know you can call me any time right? If Yoohyeon bothers you or Chaewon again, you can call me. My motel is right there.” Sooyoung hated seeing Jinsol like this. The cheerful woman always looked so scared in the presence of her ex and she couldn’t stand it. “If we’re friends, then I don’t care if I’m involved in this.” She wasn’t sure on what she could even do. Knowing that she froze up today in a state of panic after just one punched scared her that she wouldn’t be able to protect anyone.

Jinsol shook her head. “You don’t need this. This is my problem. There’s already too many people involved.”

Sooyoung wanted to ask her again. The way Jinsol snapped at her when she questioned her about Yoohyeon hurting her sounded so off. She didn’t want to assume things, but it was obvious that Jinsol was scared of this woman.

“Can we not talk about her anymore?” Jinsol looked over to Sooyoung who looked lost in thought.

Getting a nod in response, Jinsol found herself leaning on the slightly taller woman, feeling at ease in her presence.

“I’m not ready yet,” Jinsol admitted, feeling a bit guilty that Sooyound had opened up to her, but she couldn’t do the same. “But if you want, you can talk to me about your wife and daughter any time. I don’t mind. This trip is for them, right?”

Sooyoung nodded again. “Thank you.” She didn’t know what else to say. Sooyoung wasn’t one to talk about her past, feeling like she was a burden to others.

Jinsol gave her a look of confusion. “For what?”

The brunette shrugged. “For everything I guess. I don’t even talk about them to my family back at home,” she confessed as the guilt started to rise up. “I wasn’t the only one to lose them, you know?” Sooyoung looked over at Jinsol who was now slightly faced towards her, giving her her full attention. “I should be home right now, by their side, but I’m here, running away instead.”

“Maybe in the beginning you were running away, but right now, it doesn’t seem like it.” Jinsol wanted to hold Sooyoung’s hands that were nervously on her legs, but couldn’t tell if their friendship was at that point yet.

“It doesn’t matter. While I’m off on my own, my family is still going on with their lives. They’re working, going to school, running errands while having to deal with the loss of Jiwoo and Yerim at the same time. And what the hell am I doing?” Sooyoung placed her head in her hands, being unsure of whether she should just stop her backpacking trip now and just go home. She then looked up with red eyes. “Jungeun and Jiwoo have been best friends since before they even knew me. I should be there for Jungeun too, but I just left her. What kind of friend am I?” She couldn’t help but spill how she was feeling. After their run in with Yoohyeon, her emotions were getting out of control and she couldn’t hold them in anymore.

“You obviously love your family very much,” Jinsol started, being careful of what she was saying since she didn’t know a lot about Sooyoung. “Maybe you just gotta find your own way to heal first.” She too has closed herself off when others needed her as well. She wasn’t doing anyone any good until she got herself together, but the journey didn’t always have to be alone. She knew that now and she wanted Sooyoung to know that too.

“I just don’t know how to be okay again,” Sooyoung’s voice cracked at the end and instantly regretted confessing that to the blonde. She hated showing vulnerability, always feeling like she should be stronger than she was because that’s how everyone always saw her.

Jinsol understood Sooyoung’s worries. She has hit rock bottom so many times that there was a point where she couldn’t imagine even getting up every morning.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay this all out on you.” Sooyoung shook her head.

“Weren’t you the one that told me to stop apologizing all the time?” Jinsol questioned with a small smile. She then placed an arm on top of the couch, facing directly towards Sooyoung. “Look, we already established that you’re going to continue on your backpacking trip, which means, you’ll be somewhere else while I’m here. And while you’re here, you can just do as you please, say what you want to say, but nothing leaves this town. Like Vegas, but less fun,” she tried to make Sooyoung feel comfortable with her and the idea of talking freely.

Sooyoung hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk about everything, but she’s already made it this far, so nothing seemed impossible. Just a moment ago, when she was in the restroom, she would have never imagined telling Jinsol about her family, but before she could even think, her mouth just started to move on its own.

Sooyoung was about to speak when keys at the entrance turned both their attention to the front door.

A moment later, Chaewon entered with an excited smile on her face that quickly turned to a frown when she spotted Sooyoung on the couch. “What is she doing here?” The blonde asked with her hand gripping the doorknob, not closing the door yet.

Jinsol stood up, stepping away from the couch. “Chae,” she started.

Chaewon shook her head, swinging the door wide open. “Tell her to leave,” she demanded, keeping her stare at her mom.

“Chae,” Jinsol said again and slumped her shoulders.

“No, it’s fine,” Sooyoung interrupted before Jinsol could continue speaking. “I’ll just go.” She placed the ice pack and towel down on the coffee table. “Thanks for inviting me to the show.” She then looked at the smaller blonde who still wasn’t looking at her. “Sorry about being in your home, I should have asked if it was okay with you,” she apologized, knowing Chaewon had been iffy about her staying over before. “You probably don’t want to hear it, but you did great tonight.” Sooyoung meant what she said as she stepped out of the house and went back down the stairs without getting a reply.

She went straight out of the cafe and into the freezing cold. Raising her hands up to her mouth to warm them up, she forgot about her split lip and winced as it started to hurt again. Shoving her hands in her pockets instead, she walked slowly, not really caring as the cold bit her tired body.

Sooyoung tried not to think about it, but having Chaewon angry at her wasn’t something she thought she’d experience. It reminded her of a time when her own daughter was angry with her, or so she thought. She had no idea why, feeling lost and overthinking like how she was overthinking now. 

Yerim had always been a bright and positive kid, but there was a time when she was in a bad mood. Sooyoung had come home late from work that day and went to her 9 year old daughter’s room to say goodnight only for Yerim to reject their nightly kiss. Feeling hurt, Sooyoung tried to explain to her daughter again about how she was sorry for having to work more lately, but Yerim only pulled her blanket up higher causing Sooyoung to leave the room without their usual goodnight kiss.

“She’s not mad at you, you know.”

Sooyoung heard as she entered her bedroom. “You heard that?” She asked with a sigh. “Then why won’t she talk to me, Jiwoo?”

The other woman in the room walked over to her, slipping her arms around the brunette’s waist. “I accidentally found out that Yerim was getting bullied at school today.”

Pulling away slightly, Sooyoung looked down at her wife. “Wait, what?”

Jiwoo exhaled and started to drag Sooyoung to their bed to sit down. “I went to pick her up and some kid had one of her shoes high up in her hands out of Yerim’s reach while other girls were just laughing.” The small redhead then scoffed. “Would you still love me if I shoved a bunch of 4th graders?”

“Jiwoo,” Sooyoung slightly scolded. “How long has this been going on for?”

Jiwoo shrugged. “She won’t say, but I think it’s been going on for a while. I tried talking to her, but she’s really upset that I know about it for some reason. It’s like she wants to handle this on her own, but she’s just a kid. She’s just our baby.” She leaned against Sooyoung, who wrapped an arm around her.

Yerim was her baby.

Sooyoung never thought she’d get married, much less have a child, but her wife and daughter became her life and she would have done anything in her power to protect them. Hearing about Yerim getting bullied made her realize that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t be there for her all the time. It was impossible, but she tried her best, but her best wasn’t enough when her family needed her the most.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Catch me on the bird app @loonachoz


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